Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Help, I’m pregnant and panicking because I feel like I don’t deserve this. What should I do? Any advice? ?

   I’m 21 and pregnant, I know thats young. I have a good job, still in college and a stable home for my baby(ies) and the dad is involved.  

   The problem is I’m terrified of being a mom which is strange because I’ve wanted children since I was a kid. I want to finish school and become a social worker, I want to buy my mom a house and make her proud but above all of that I’ve always wanted to be a mom, to have my own children. But now that I am pregnant I feel so disconnected and like I don’t deserve this. 

What if I’m not a good mom? What if my child doesn’t have a good life? What if all they know is hurt and trauma? What if I fail horribly at motherhood?

    I came from verbally, physically and sexually abusive parents, who didn’t always have basic necessities. I made the best of my situation and tried to always be kind and loving and look after my siblings. I keep telling myself to just be “the adult I needed when I was a child” but I’m still scared. 

   I’m great with kids, worked at a daycare with infants to 10 years. I was an after school counselor and it was the best job ever. I’ve taken care of my younger siblings and I help my older siblings take care of their kids. I also worked with disabled youth and really loved them. But I still feel like I am going to fail at being a mom. I will try my best but what if my best isn’t good enough? This is a human, not a test, not a sport. I’ve wanted this forever but now I’m just worried and afraid. Is this normal? Any advice? 


When I say “I don’t deserve this” I mean like I feel as though I am unworthy of being a mother. I also will be getting married in 7 months. 

6 Answers

  • 1 month ago


    I'm so old that when I was pregnant, a friend of mine gave me Dr. Spock's book of Baby and Childcare.  This book was invaluable to me.  And the one basic thing Dr. Spock assured me of was the fact that I needed to follow my own basic instincts when it came to motherhood because that was all I needed.

    This gave me permission to be independent and trust my own judgment.

    Today, my daughter has a PhD from Yale University and runs her own department at a large Ivy League University.  She is married and has 3 children.  She's a good mother and loves her dad and I.

    Therefore, I was glad to have trusted Dr. Spock and his good advice all those years ago.  And YOU should, too.

    Believe me, Honey, You've got this.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    you deserve it or you wouldnt be pregnant

  • 1 month ago

    Your panic is entirely understandable. However, it is a emotional response to your predicament, and you need to balance this with your obvious intelligence and common sense. You seem to have plenty of both. Hence there is absolutely no need to worry about being a bad mother! It is totally illogical (find that balance!). 

    It is probably perfectly "normal" to answer your question, but that is not what matters. Ok, you are pregnant a bit earlier in your life than you had intended, but people FAR less intelligent and able than you cope perfectly well! Ask your friends and colleagues whether they think you will be a good mother. I strongly suspect that they will say, "No! You will be a GREAT mother!" 

    Good Luck! 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    It's normal to feel that way when pregnant. In fact, tons of women feel that way, especially if they've come from abusive families. I recommend finding a mom/pregnancy support group and therapy. Maybe even take up some parenting classes to get over the fear that you'll do/say something wrong. 

    As long as you are good with kids and have a good job as you claim, and know not to do what your parents did to you, then you are on the right track. 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Is it normal for a pregnant 21-year old, unmarried with a "good job," in college, to think she has a stable home for an infant (?) to feel worried and afraid?  Yes, it is.

    If the question is "what did I do to deserve this" the answer appears to involve having sex.

  • 1 month ago

    Call 911 I guess I don't know what to tell you about that one

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