My father likes seeing me suffer. How can I get away from this man but stay close to the rest of the family ?
I’m an adult living on my on but if I disown him then the rest of the family will leave me. This man is so abusive he abandoned his own mother when I was a kid.
- Judy and CharlieLv 72 months agoFavorite Answer
Most of the family all ready knows what he is and they FEAR they may be treated like you if they stand up to him.
You need to learn a very important adult life skill by learning how to assert yourself to your father without fear. He has no power over you and in the end, you will learn this. DO NOT BECOME A DOOR MAT for anyone. You don't need the rest of your family on your side to back you up when you take control over him and put him in his place.
Find websites that teach healthy assertiveness skills, then roll up your sleeves and get ready to be a hero.
- something fishyLv 72 months ago
Move out of state and dont invite him to visit
Move far away.
Do you really think they would "leave" you? Chances are they know how he is and feel similarly to you, though they put up with him . You don't have to go the extreme of "disowning him" formally.(You can do it, however, in your heart!) All you need to do is avoid any gathering at which he will be present, and let the others know why. Good luck,
- Edd SLv 52 months ago
Most of the family are likely to be aware already of how he treats you. Shunning him would be a good idea. Arrange visits for when he won't be there. I was very surprised when at 16 I learned that an aunt had a pretty good idea what I was going through. When my father died half a country away, my neighbor on the plains was having wild fires and we had to hand mow pastures and take other defensive moves so I could not go. People understood and some people knew I would not want to be there. Relatives can be better than you think they are and that is a nice discovery. You are just going off on your own as children are supposed to do.
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if you're financially secure enough to do so and can find a job in your field, my advice to you would be to move literally to the other side of the country. You don't have to say anything to anyone until your plans are completed and you're ready to go. Then you can tell the other family members you're leaving. Do it and don't look back. If your father has enough power over everyone in the family to manipulate people into abandoning one another, you don't need to live with that fear any longer. If you're not able to do this just yet, start saving up your money quietly and do it ASAP.
- Anonymous2 months ago
Its sounds like a toxic parent and they are enablers, and cover up for him.
He knows they take his side and manipulates the situation.
If you dont live there then that's a good start.
Try to be financially stable and neutral if the other relatives give you money, but set boundaries for the dad. Dont let him visit unannounced or at all.
Tell the dad you wont tolerate abuse anymore.
- 2 months ago
If the rest of your family is willing to side with your abuser, then trust me, they're not that better than him
- choko_canyonLv 72 months ago
If you're living on your own, what's the problem? Just decline to see him.
- Anonymous2 months ago
The problem probably is really with you. Maybe you just were never good enough to earn his love and respect.