Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 3 weeks ago

Can you explain the dynamics between my mother-in-law, my wife and myself?

My wife constantly complains to me about how she can't stand her mother and how her mother has made her whole life so difficult.  Her mother is mean, stubborn, judgemental and all-around impossible.  My wife complains about her every day.

My mother-in-law has never like me and she and I avoid each other.  The weird thing is, in spite of my wife always complaining to me about her mom, whenever her mom is hear, I feel like the two of them are ganging up on me.  My wife gives me the cold shoulder and she and her mom talk in Spanish together.  I don't understand too much, but I can understand enough to know that some of it is about me and is negative. 

So what is going on?  My wife says she cant stand her mom, and she is constantly venting to me, but when they are together, they gang up on me.  It's very confusing.


2nd paragraph typo - should be 'here' instead of 'hear'.

5 Answers

  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    "My wife says she cant stand her mom, and she is constantly venting to me, but when they are together, they gang up on me."

    You're not confused. You understand perfectly what is going on.

    You don't understand WHY it's going on? It's a very human trait for 2 or more people to gang up on "the odd man out." It's a kind bonding thing. Leave it along. Don't object to anything or stick up for yourself. Just ignore and dismiss this, leave them to their silly gossip, don't give a fig. 

    Also you might learn more Spanish but not tell anybody. Listen and learn. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    maybe your wife should avoid her too

  • 3 weeks ago

    Some people just get off on "bytching" about others.

    With your wife, it's about her mother.

    With her mother, it's about you.

    Yak. Yak. Yak.

    Obviously, these two women are toxic.  They get off on complaining about others and how they are treated but will not stand up DIRECTLY to the other person and correct the behavior.  Thus, a lot of attention seeking goes on here.  They thrive on the toxic drama.  Yes, your wife and her mother have one hell of a lot in common.

    Some day you may get the courage to stop both of them in mid conversation and say,..."Excuse me.  But if you're going to talk and complain about me, at least have the DECENCY to do it in English so that I may respond and defend myself.  Thank you."

    Then leave them with their mouths open.

  • 3 weeks ago

    If it is as uncomfortable for you as you have described, why are you still there?

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  • T J
    Lv 6
    3 weeks ago

    Divorce the wife, or move far away from MIL.

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