Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 4 weeks ago

Why is it generally assumed that an adult living with their parents must be mooching off them?

I had to live with my parents for a while to pay for THEIR house (I couldn’t afford their mortgage and my rent). They had both been fired in the past year and have not applied to new jobs.  The assumption is always that they are supporting me, and people are rude to me over it.  But my parents have been super financially unstable my whole life, they have anger issues that make jobs hard for them. They either quit or get fired because they can’t act professional 

Update:

I was providing my own nest just fine.  And I think “their” nest is mine as well, considering I pay for it.  

Update 2:

“Not able to pay for all the things I want” you mean like TWO houses (me and my parents)??? I don’t want to pay for that!!!  Most people don’t have two houses to pay for 

5 Answers

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    cause they think thats how it always happens

  • 4 weeks ago

    Why is it assumed? I didn't know it was. Are your parents drug addicted as well?

  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Many of our ideas about what is "normal" and what is "weird, not so good" are formed by what we see on media. And young adults living with with parents are almost always presented negatively by our popular media. They are lazy moochers, incompetent jerks incapable of keeping a job, they are mentally unwell, etc. 

    Big corporations are making the most money when everybody is living alone, make less money when people live together and pool their resources. So our media, owned by these big corporations, has an interest in NOT making it desirable or even normal for families to stay together and pool their resources. 

    You need to get binding irrevocable legal agreements with your parents that the money you have given them will return to you on their death. For example, you inherit and become sole owner of that house upon their deaths, or at least get a settlement from the estate equal to the value of what you put in plus interest. 

    Irrevocable means can't be changed. 

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Because 95% of the time an adult is living with their parents because there is financial benefit to the adult child.

    And in your case that would be true too.   You are living there because you do not have enough money to pay for all the things you want to pay for.

    There is no requirement that you pay their mortgage.  But since you have chosen to, you cannot afford your own rent.

    You may not be mooching off them, but that doesn't change the fact that you point-blank could not afford your own rent and that is why you moved in with them.

    ETA:  "And I think 'their' nest is mine as well, considering I pay for it."    No, it's not yours.  They own it.  And if they can't afford the house perhaps they should sell it.    I'm guessing there's a self-serving reason you don't want them to.   Either you're getting a good deal living there or you are hoping the house will end up yours.

    ETA:   "You need to get binding irrevocable legal agreements with your parents that the money you have given them will return to you on their death."    No, Jerry.  That's just absurd.   You have no clue what fair market rent is for the property or how much the asker is paying.    The asker is a tenant paying rent.   The parents are under zero obligation to gift their house to a tenant even if that tenant is their child.     You are proving the point that adult children who live with their parents are usually doing so for financial gain.   

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  • cmac'm
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    Well, if adults are not independent and self reliant then they are dependent on others.

    So while I wouldn't call you a mooch, they are certainly still providing a nest for you

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