Will I regret having another baby?

I had my daughter young, I was 19 and with her dad for whole 8 years. I did a lot of it without him, luckily my mum and his mum were really helpful. He was busy living his life (friends and cheating) even though it was him that wanted a baby. I hated being tied down and went back to work when she turned 1. She is now turning 8 and can do most things herself (breakfast, toilet, getting dressed, shower etc.) and I have a lot more freedom back.

 My now fiancée wants us to have a baby (he has a child but the mother stopped all contact he is taking her to court) but I am worried it will be a round 2. I’m just going to be stuck at home with a baby, he’s out working and going to the gym everyday. I don’t want to loose my freedom and make my life trickier. I feel a baby puts a massive strain on a relationship and we have it so easy at the moment. He doesn’t understand my fear of doing it again alone. Please change my mind 😩

8 Answers

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Tell him to wait until you two are married to have this discussion. That it feels wrong and uneasy to you now because you've already been a single mother and will not do so again. He has a lot of nerve being your "fiancee" but wanting you to get pregnant NOW. Really. That takes a lot of nerve. Hold your own! I don't want you to change your mind. If he asked you to be his wife, you agreed, and you two are engaged... get a date set for the wedding and get married. Do you think he might be wasting your time? 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    i would hope not

  • 4 weeks ago

    Sounds like you just might regret it.

  • 4 weeks ago

    So you're not with the father of your child now? 

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Sounds like you will because even though you'd now be about 27 and certainly old enough to be a decent parent you don't sound mature enough to take on this responsibility. This is likely because you spent the years of your life that are supposed to be spent being free tied down with a child. Also, it's never wise to procreate with someone you don't have a real commitment with, that being either marriage or a domestic partnership contract. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    Absolutely no way should anyone attempt to change your mind. You are right; you will be the one stuck at home like a prisoner while the dad gets to go golfing, working out, anything he wants, and he doesn't have to make a whole bunch of arrangements to cover child care like you would have to. 

    Ask him if he's interested in being the primary caregiver, and let him know you do not want that role. If he wants a baby then he should be willing to stay home and raise him/her so you can have a life outside the house.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Why should anyone change your mind. 

    You both have a child.  He has a child. Two is a handful.Let him know. You’re glad the babies days are over and you can enjoy the children at the age they are at. 

    You should not be talked into having another baby,

    You need an In-depth  talk with him. 

  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Be honest with him that you don't mind the pregnancy and delivery so much as you mind the idea of being responsible for an infant, a toddler, don't want to reduce your work hours, your "me" time like gym or yoga. If he's OK with a few years as the care giver and homemaker, while YOU are out working and going to the yoga studio every day, you'll have more to discuss.. If he's not willing to sacrifice then he's not all that eager to be a Papa. Keep putting him off. 

    If he does agree with the idea of HIM doing the child care and homemaking, first give it a test run with a puppy. If he can take total responsibility for Puppy and have an obedient well trained young dog at the end of a year, he probably has the self discipline needed to assume primary responsibility for an infant, a toddler. If not, you keep putting him off. 

    You don't fight about it, you just make sure you don't get pregnant, and perhaps that he understands you will abort if you DO become pregnant. It has happened that one partner sabotages the birth control and so "tricks" the other into making a baby.

    Planned Parenthood can provide you with information about birth control your partner can't tamper with. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-cont...

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