Family thinks I'm too young to get married? ?
I've been dating my boyfriend for three years, and we have been living together in our own 2-bedroom apartment for almost 4 months. We both finished school- I got my bachelor's degree and work in advertising for an agency, and he went to tech school and works as an HVAC technician. He earned his license and got a nice raise recently, too. Even though we've dated through school and celebrated both our graduations, worked hard to save to move out, spent lots of time with each other's families, and had our families meet each other too, my family is nervous about us getting married. My bf and I have talked about getting engaged soon and we know we can afford to pay for our own wedding, but my family is less than supportive. I'm 26-almost-27, and he is 24 and will be 25 in July- which means if we had a wedding in a year or so, I'd be 27 and he would be 25. My parents say they "aren't ready" to see me get married, and my four younger siblings say that I'm too young and 3 years of dating is too soon. We both have seen each other at our best and worst, we've experienced some great milestones together over the past three years, and I don't understand how that isn't enough for my family. I don't know how to convince them that this is a good decision. My parents have always been a little overprotective and still don't really see me as an adult yet, and my siblings think the same but I don't know why. How can I get everyone's support?
- GoodLv 64 weeks ago
You are never going to get everyone's support. Part of being an adult is living your own life your way. You can't please everyone, so you have to please yourself (Ricky Nelson - Garden Party song).
You announce your wedding date and others either show up or they don't.
That's how life is. You don't require they like it.
- 4 weeks ago
First of all, you and your bf are adults. Second you can make your decision without your family's approval. Third this is what you have been yearning for this whole entire time. Being married to the love of your life. Don't let your family opinions stop you from conquering your dreams.
- RichardLv 64 weeks ago
As long as you are both adults, the couple's happiness is what matters, no the family.
- Anonymous4 weeks ago
ask how old were your parents when they got married
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- 4 weeks ago
If you want your family to treat you as an adult then act as one. By that I mean you should not ask them or care for their approval anymore when it comes to living your life. You are responsible and self-sufficient adult in a serious and stable relationship. You need to be more self-aware and self-confident. Accept that even when your family might see of feel different on how should you live your life, you do not owe them any special consideration anymore about how you live your life, now that you are actually an adult. You can hear them out, but always be firm and know what is important to you and why. Do not go into explaining yourself or discussing it with them. You need to be you and as an adult establish new boundaries with your family that give you freedom to live your life according to your vision.
Decision to get married concerns only two people, you and your boyfriend. Once that decision is made you two should make plans of moving forward with that goal. You are in no obligation to announce it to anyone before sending invitations to all family and friends. That is all that you might owe them, as long as you plan on having a celebration and as long as they treat you and your fiancee in a respectful and polite manner. Once they realize this is already decided and you are no longer asking for their approval, they will soon realize it's their turn to show some maturity. They might even go into another extreme of wanting being involved with everything and supporting your decision in every possible way. Once again, you and your fiancee have a discretion to decide how do you want everything to be done and who will take on what role in the whole affair.
By the way, congratulations!
- Not ApplicableLv 64 weeks ago
This may be as much about their unwillingness to admit you are grown up. You said as much yourself. I would tell them you are officially engaged and plan to be married around whatever date you both decide and invite family to participate. My wife and I met when I was 24 and she was 28. We have been married for over 40 years, if that is any help.
- JaneLv 74 weeks ago
Lots of great advice here! I would say, get engaged when you're both ready to take this step and it feels right to you both. This is, in itself, a commitment to each other on a personal level, and also demonstrates to others your serious intention. Celebrate your engagement in whatever way you wish, however make sure that you announce and share this important occasion with the regard it deserves. This also gives your family time to adjust to marriage, as they seem to have a problem with this!
I wish for you that your family grows to respect your decisions, and all the very best in your future success xx
- LLv 54 weeks ago
Why are YOU allowing your parents to control your life? You are an ADULT! Do what ever you want.
- Anonymous4 weeks ago
"How can I get everyone's support?"
You aren't entitled to their agreement. They are entitled to their own opinions.
Stop asking for approval. If the two of you think you're ready to be married, just pick a date and announce that you're getting married. End of.
If someone else isn't happy about it, that's their problem. They can still smile and be polite. And if they can't, then you don't have to invite them and you don't have to justify yourself to them either.
By the age of 27 you ought to be mature enough to make your own decisions regardless of what other people think. The world no longer revolves around your feelings.
If you're still married 30 years from now, then I guess you proved them wrong. If not, well, it is what it is. It's your life and you can screw it up any way you want to.
- USAFisnumber1Lv 74 weeks ago
Good grief if you have to ask for opinions then you ARE too young to get married. This is a decision you should be able to make on your own without doing an opinion poll on the subject. You TELL your family you are getting married, show them the ring and set a date. If they do not like it, too bad, they do not have to come to the wedding.