How would you react if your Wife hid her daughter from you?

Trying to keep a long story short...

Met a girl, she had a son, I fell in love with her, married her, brought her son to live with me in another country.  We were married for about 6 years.  I caught her cheating on me, so I divorced her.

I actually had to divorce her TWICE, even though I married her once.  A long story, but the country we got divorced in...

A (finalized) divorce can be reversed, in some circumstances.  After I got a finalized divorce, my ex-wife appealed.  SO....I had to divorce her again.

So she ships her son, who I had grown to love as MY OWN son, back to the country where I met her and she (after the divorce) went to the United States to find work.  (big mistake, but I won't get into that here)

She's not ready to "give up" on the marriage.  In spite of the fact that she knows the failure was her fault, and she knows that I divorced her TWICE, she still wants to save the marriage.

There is like zero chance of the two of us getting back together, because we are geographically separated.  (and no way to reasonably change that any time soon)

But I don't hate her.  She and I are still kinda-sorta friends.  Today, she calls me and starts talking about her daughter.  I thought she was joking.  Turns out, she has a 17 year old daughter that she hid from me because she was afraid I would not like her if I knew she had TWO children.

I talked to her (the daughter) this morning for the first time in my life, and told her I felt a huge sense of loss...


Based on some comments, I thought I should add more details.  The son speaks perfect English.  Half her sisters (large family) speak perfect English.  Her parents speak English "well enough".  There were about 60 relatives and friends of hers at the wedding, all of which speak English at least "well enough".  What confuses me most about this situation....OK, so I get that my ex-wife was a liar, and clearly had no conscience.  But NOBODY spoke up about this??? NOBODY???????????

Update 2:

Oh, and I know myself pretty darn well.  When she first told me she had a son (before our first date, by the way), I was OK with that.  If she told me she had two children, I (most likely) would have been OK with that also.  When I first met my 2nd wife, I was a father of 2 children myself.  I love kids.  If she'd have just told me about her daughter, it would have been a total NON-issue...

Update 3:

I wish I could choose more than one favorite answer.  Her daughter was raised by grandparents, I was told she was a "sister".   Looking back, I should have realized that two "sisters" were the exact same age, born a month apart?  There is no good reason for my ex-wife to have kept this secret.  NONE.  But she had dozens of people helping her to hide the child.  She was a pre-teen before I married the mother.  This situation is so sad...the mother split up a family for no reason.

6 Answers

  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    You are better off without a woman who could have held such an enormous secret the whole of your relationship. Having another child secret while she knew you accepted her own son is ridiculous. 

    What was the reason her daughter was able to remain a secret? Where was the child during your relationship? Seems she didn't want you knowing just how old she was perhaps? Knowing she was old enough to have a teen daughter? 

  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Get away from this woman. Move and break all contact from her, do not let her know where you are, just disappear.

  • 1 month ago

    i wouldnt like it

  • Ann
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You know she was a cheat, and now you know she was also a liar.  Because you didn't adopt the son, you have no legal right to him, and obviously, because you had no knowledge of her existence, you have no right to the daughter, either.  You've been screwed all the way around by this woman.  All she wants is to control you.  You seriously need to move on with your life.  That's how you need to react.

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  • 1 month ago

    Jesus christ dude. You are the pinnacle of what we call a 'simp'. It seems you've not learned any lessons at all. You're befriending a woman who cheated on you, and then you don't realize that the reason she doesn't want to give up the marriage is because she doesn't have her finances in order yet. Yes it's probably true that she didn't tell you about the daughter because she didn't think you would like her, therefore, she wouldn't be able to secure a marriage for provisioning purposes for her and her offspring, the sole purpose of her existence as dictated by nature. Cmon man pick up a book and read about these women, they're not the angels you think they are. No more marriage, the only way you maintain attraction is by mystery/distance. Once you're married the mystery and distance is gone, and so is a big portion of her attraction for you. Familiarity breeds contempt, no matter who it is.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    aw thats not good.she should have told u i guess. 

    but maybe she told u now, i dont know why

    stupid Lady

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