Is it normal or concerning he's gotten quiet after this serious conversation?
Context: been dating since August. Been monogamous b/c of pandemic and have taken ALL precautions. It's moved slow, but we're now at a pivotal point where we should decide if we keep dating or not to avoid hurt feelings. I started to introduce some of these topics over the weekend, but not in some ultimatum way - just as a conversation.
Most of it was straight-forward, but I brought up a concern with something he said recently. He's been job searching and has noticed opportunities are lacking in our state. So I mentioned in this conversation that if he is going to start job searching out of state, it will be a concern for me because we're already building an emotional connection. Since *I* brought this conversation up, he didn't have time to really think about it, but it seems he didn't put the two together: that if he job searches out of state, it would affect the relationship we've developed.
In the moment, he said he'd want to think about it. I've intentionally given him space since Sunday evening and we haven't talked since Sunday evening. This is uncharacteristic and likely due to this or something from this conversation (e.g. confirming he doesn't want kids - we're old enough it makes sense to ask this).
Is it reasonable to see quietness/space after this? Or should I be concerned about retreating?
note: he is more introverted by nature (as am I), but I don't want to make any excuses, either. Normally, if we're not together, we text until we fall asleep and that obviously didn't happen yesterday
- CarolineLv 71 month agoFavorite Answer
I'm really confused by some of what you've said and your thought process. It does sound you're over thinking this by quite a bit.
You've only been been dating for two months. You say you've been "monogamous b/c of pandemic" which makes it seem like if it weren't for the pandemic, you wouldn't be monogamous? What other precautions would you be taking besides the obvious ones? What are ALL precautions? Hazmat suits??
I don't get why you have to have a conversation about continuing to date. If he were moving, sure, but he's not, at least as far as you know...so unless there was some catalyst prompting a conversation about breaking up or staying together...I don't get it.
It sounds like he is thinking about your conversation and deciding what his next step is. It also sounds like you might want to do the same, and then contact him to see how he is.
If you're old enough to have a conversation about having children or not together, then it seems to me you're old enough to contact him and see what's up.
- FireplaceLv 61 month ago
How are strangers supposed to know what is normal behaviour for this guy?
- 1 month ago
So your shagging this dude only because you dont want to get the virus otherwise you would be shagging other dudes? Guess he is just taking advantage of the situation, maybe he doesn't think much of you either. Your each others temporary lock down play toy, I think he gets that, hey thats not the worst thing in the world. Guys she's not your girl its just your turn he gets it. Like musical chairs.
- T JLv 61 month ago
After 9 weeks, you have this kind of conversation. You are pushing too fast, you may have pushed him way to far, and now, he does not want you.
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- dripLv 71 month ago
You didn’t talk Sunday or Mo day. Call him up tonight and chat. It doesn’t have to be a serious conversation. You don’t have to solve it all in a few days. He could feel you will want to continue the conversation and he is still thinking in it.
He may think you don’t want to talk to him.
Call him up as normal and a chat about your day.
- blankLv 61 month ago
I honestly do not know where to begin here. Yikes. But, here goes.
Been "monogamous b/c of the pandemic" - you mean you would have been (or he might have been) stepping out if there was no pandemic?
Yet - YOU are so serious about this relationship (after some 8-10 weeks) that you are talking about having kids?
Was HE even aware that you decided you two are "exclusive?"
Think you need to step back and take a deep breath. Try and put yourself in his shoes: was HE on the same page as you? Sounds like the answer to that is no....and you just hit him with a truck load of REAL (out of left field) and expectations far outside the scope of an 8 week relationship.
No wonder he pulled back... and ONE OR TWO DAYS is nothing. Don't be so needy, clingy and smothering. In a solid relationship, two people should be completely capable of existing without their partner, but the existence of that partner builds up the individuals. AkA - the sum is stronger than the individual parts.
Give him to this weeked - and if he has not contacted you reach out. BACK into it slowly again - and acknowledge you may have over stepped (if my read is right). Understand you may have already scared him off completely - who knows.
Good luck - I hope this works out and you are both happy.