Lv 5
Trish asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 month ago

Do you think it's wrong to plan your own wedding shower?

And why or why not because I don't have any friends and I don't trust my family to do anything I would approve of for me.  The shower will be for both me and my fiance with all our families and his friends.  Why is it poor etiquette since it's a gift giving event because we have a registry from the bride and groom what's the difference and this isn't tacky.  Your thoughts...


I don't have friends because it seems I attract the worse people so I normally only associate with family but he and I were introduced through work and he happened to live next door to my grandparents also my mother approved of him and that is surprising that she approves of anyone.

Update 2:

Since you all explain it that way I'm now thinking about changing my mind.  I'm not sure if I understand fully.  I'm not greedy and I don't want to come across as rude tacky and greedy or plain classless.  We thought we could host it ourselves because I would never require anyone to bring a gift... I thought of it as just another wedding celebration where everyone can get together and have fun.  How did this tradition start?

Update 3:

I read the history of the Bridal's to provide gifts to a poor bride who doesn't have a dowry...or a bride who didn't have the father's approval so didn't get her dowry.  According to this you're right I can't include my fiance.

Update 4:

I see you're right I can't host my own shower and I can't invite my fiance.

Update 5:

News flash Martha Stewart Wedding site says people have coed showers or jack and jill showers which are not frowned upon.  So maybe we can have a shower together.  We would like to have the expenses of the shower on us if we can't host it.  And my FH is well to do he doesn't agree we need household gifts but some gift cards to Macy's and Home Depot can't hurt.

11 Answers

  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    There are special rules for parties which require guests to bring gifts. The most fundamental rule is that hosts give showers for OTHERS, not for themselves. To solicit (aka panhandle) gifts for someone else is thoughtful and generous. To solicit gifts for oneself is greedy and rude. 

    You get a shower if someone GIVES you a shower. It's a very special kind of gift. If no one offers to give you a shower, then you don't get one. Finis. 

    You idea that a wedding celebration requires guests to bring gifts is wrong, very wrong. What is required is that guests send a handwritten thank you note. Guests MAY (not must) give a gift along with OR INSTEAD OF sending a thank you note. It's optional, not required. 

    If you'd like to host one or more pre-wedding parties, you're free to do so. You can host a brunch or tea for a few intimates, a large dinner or cocktail party, an activity party like a day at the lake or night on the town. Anything BUT a party that requires guests to bring you a gift. 

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    I think what you are missing is it is a known fact that wedding showers are for the sole purpose of giving gifts and it normally is known by all.

  • 1 month ago

    I don't see why not. Who cares what it used to be or what the 'proper' etiquette is. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Since the whole point of a shower is greedy, you can't properly throw one for yourself, nor can anyone in your family. That would be basically throwing yourself a gift grab. However, any of your prospective relatives-in-law can do it.

    Advice for future: make better friends. 

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  • D50
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    No one in your family is allowed to hold a shower for you and that includes you.

  • 1 month ago

    No, this is very wrong for several reasons and, to be blunt, you'll come across as greedy.  A shower is the one wedding related event where gifts are mandatory.  This includes the wedding itself.  It's no different than throwing a birthday party and telling guests they have to bring a gift.  The other factor that makes this even worse is including your fiance's friends.  Nobody should be invited to a bridal shower  unless they are very close to the bride.  I have to ask, why don't you have any friends?

  • 1 month ago

    Throwing a gift-required party for yourself is just rude; you're basically just asking for presents. 

    Don't do it - if people want to buy you gifts for your wedding, great, but it's tacky to hold your own shower 

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If someone in your family has offered to plan a shower that's the way to go. You don't get to "approve" or disapprove something that's given to you as a gift. Either happily accept what others are willing to do for you or skip the shower as it's hardly a necessity. P.S. There may be a reason you don't have any friends. 

  • 1 month ago

    You're missing the point. Unlike the wedding, a shower's only purpose is to "shower" the bride with gifts.  Hosting your own party is just a blatant demand for gifts.  Why do you think that anyone would attend such an event? Who would you invite if you don't have any friends?

    No one is required to attend a shower.  No one is required to purchase a gift from your registry.  If you don't have friend and don't trust the taste of your family members, you might want to just cut your losses. 

    As a general point of etiquette, no one should host a party for themselves.This is true for birthdays, anniversaries, retirements, and births.  

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Why a shower at all? Its just bs to get gifts.

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