I really wish I was dead.?

I am looking at my syllabus for my upcoming grad program and I don’t think I can do this. Yet, I have nothing else to fall back on. I couldn’t find a job so I decided to try grad school. Now I don’t think I can ever keep up or do all this work. I was an English Lit major in Undergrad and I barely got through college because I am stupid. I don’t know what to do. My family has high expectations for me but I don’t have the intelligence or skills to achieve anything. Honestly, I wanna just close my eyes and never wake up. I really am better off dead. I am just spinning my wheels and wasting my family’s money by being alive. I have no options, no future. What should I do. 

Also I have been in therapy for 10 years and I am currently in therapy and take anti-depressebrs. 

2 Answers

  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    I am so sorry- I know that fighting depression is really difficult. I've been there. And I know that no reasoning makes much of a difference. But I will tell you that if you were admitted to a graduate school, you are not "stupid", and you must have done more than just "getting through" college. I won't lie to you and tell you that a graduate program in English is easy-- it's not, and the volume of reading and writing required can be very difficult. But I will tell you that English majors have been hired at a pretty good rate for the past 10-15 years because employers have come to appreciate good communication skills. Have you considerate a program in technical/profession writing? There's a huge demand for people with skills in writing clearly for a variety of audiences. 

  • John
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    "...I am currently in therapy and take anti-depressebrs."

    At this point, neither is working.  You need to call your local suicide hotline, and possibly be temporarily committed.  While college is adding to your difficulties, your problem is not college.  Rather, its mental illness.  Withdraw from college if necessary to reduce stress, but you need much more aggressive medical treatment.

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