Given a gift and now they want it back?
I was given a steel pan (instrument) from my aunt (we’re not blood related but she my sisters real aunt) and she gave it to me no mention of a loan or anything she gave it to me as gift. I went and took it to get fixed and tuned From a guy my old steel pan teacher uses to tune the pans at my old school and then I get an email stating that her daughter (who it originally belonged to) wants it back, but it was in their shed for at least 15years prior to me getting it, and then she said she wants to keep it in the family And give it to her grandson. I am going to give it back but I’m a little upset as it was a gift and because it was so badly out of tune I never got to use it and only was able to get it tuned and fixed a few months prior to this coronavirus lockdown and it’s been with the tuner ever since and so I have to wait until the schools open to get in touch with the teacher to get it back. (first world problems lol) but is it normal to take back something that you give someone, especially when there was no mention of a loan I don’t know but anyways but annoyed but what can you do?
(basically her mother (my aunt) bought the pan when her daughter when she was younger and it has been in the shed for 15 years after the daughter stopped using it, and her daughter has now asked for it back after finding out (and apparently she's quite spiteful according to my sister (her cousin)). thanks for all the answers so far its interesting to hear thoughts though because I'm quite young I can't really refuse to give it back but just wish I got to use it at least a few times.
- FireplaceLv 61 month agoFavorite Answer
I don't understand how normalcy is a part of your question. What if it is "normal" to take back something that you give someone? Will that make you feel less annoyed?
- LLv 51 month ago
I would have told her 'I'm sorry but you gave it to me and I'm using it now'.
- Christin KLv 71 month ago
You are under no obligation to give back something that was given to you as a gift. The only exception to this is an engagement ring. But anything else? Nope. You can tell your aunt sorry, you aren't returning it if you want. However, it looks like you already said you would. So what's the question?
Is it normal? It's RUDE. Normal has nothing to do with it. Gifts are just that--GIVEN AWAY. Not given with conditions. Not requested to be returned. Do what you will, but keep that in mind for future dealings.
- Victoria YLv 41 month ago
You own by 1) being gifted and taking in good faith (does not matter about who owned it), and 2) substantial performance i.e you took it to get fixed. It is yours. The real question, is keeping it worth the strain on your relationship with your aunt.
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- Mr. PLv 71 month ago
Tell her she can have it - but will have to pay the bill and collect it herself.
- PearlLv 71 month ago
i would give it back to avoid arguing but i would never take anything from them again
- AnnLv 71 month ago
Christalla, what you can do is tell the "aunt" you need to contact her daughter, who claims to own the instrument. When you talk to the daughter, explain that her mother gave you the steel pan, stating that it had been in her shed for at least 15 years, and there was no mention of it being a loan, but a gift. Since you had it repaired and tuned, which was an expense to you, you will expect her to repay you for those costs. When you get the bill from the tuner, send her the statement and tell her you will return the instrument only after she pays you. Don't give her the name/address of the tuner, because she will probably try to go behind your back and get the instrument without paying you. If she wants to get huffy and claim you had no right to have it in the first place, tell her you will see her in small claims court over the matter. Hopefully, it won't come to that, but you need to stick up for yourself and at least get back the money you spent on the instrument. Unfortunately, her mother didn't check with her first, but that's not your fault.
- koog johnLv 51 month ago
yes. its "normal'" if not commonly done.
- linkus86Lv 71 month ago
Tough situation, but you have to admit to yourself your "aunt" was not in a position to offer a gift of something that was not her to give away. All things considered I believe it is reasonable to request the daughter pay for any repairs you paid for, but also reasonable to request you be allowed to borrow it for a while too to enjoy as originally intended, making it clear you intend to return it to her. Unless the grandson has an immediate need, that should be a reasonable agreement.
- LiverGirl98Lv 71 month ago
Best to get clarification as to who is the original owner of the instrument. If the steel pan does belong to your cousin, and she was unaware of her mother's decision to give the item to you, it is understandable why she wants it returned. You being upset/annoyed is valid for you, but it is possible you may have received the steel pan when this was not the intention of the owner. Have a conversation with your Aunt and cousin. The more you know, the more you can do.
- dripLv 71 month ago
Sounds like the aunt gave it to you without getting permission from the daughter who it really belonged to. Daughter found out about it and wants it back.
I would have them pay for the tune up and give it back to them.