Big kids and defensive mothers ?

I’m 40 and so is my partner ,My partner has three kids , the eldest is 16 and is 6ft and built like a huge rugby player , he also has a very short fuse and a right temper .

I’m not afraid to admit he’s very intimidating and could easily kick my **** if he wanted to . 

He’s also very lazy and ungrateful and sponges off his mother a lot , will often say “i’m Going out can I have some money “ , we want him to go and get a part time job before college but since we are in the middle of the covid is it wise ?

I’ve been with my partner for about 6 months and taken on a paternal role but her eldest is already on the verge of being an adult so there’s no chance he’s gonna listen to me .

Update:

He will eventually listen to his mother but she is way too soft .

What should we do ?

4 Answers

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i would talk to your partner about it

  • Tj
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Its best to stay out of it when it comes to a partners kids, you are not even married to his mom. He just might get pissed at you and kill you. The others are going to follow his lead, you are done for.  They will turn you into a pus, in no time.  Best to find a new partner.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    "we want him to go and get a part time job"

    Whoa.  Slow your roll!  You might not want to hear this, but your partner is a terrible mom.  The 2 of you have only been together 6 months and suddenly "we" are involved in parenting him?  After only 6 months, most good moms wouldn't even have introduced you yet, let alone get this involved.  It also sounds like you're living together?

    Every bit of this is whacked.  Of course a 16 year old isn't going to pay attention to mommy's bf.   Even if you were married, this is too much too soon.  And the 2 younger ones will take their cues from him.  It's not surprising he's angry, either.  Has there been a swinging door of bf's?

    You're probably well intended but you're very naive.  This is going to get worse, not better.  Also, when you say the oldest is on the verge of being an adult, this is what I meant by naive.  When it comes to turning 18, nothing changes in the parent child relationship.  The parents still make house rules and the "adult" still has to live by them.  But you aren't a parent in any of this.  

  • 1 month ago

    you dont want to parent the 16 year old...you want to treat him as an adult..

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