Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Business & FinanceCareers & EmploymentFood Service · 2 months ago

Who’s in the wrong and what should I do?

My girlfriend cries often, she’s 25. She works as a Chef and has a tendency to get upset over small things such as the Chef delaying using her menus or another chef getting angry at work as they can’t find an item etc. The problem is she takes quite a few days off a year for on sick leave, sometimes she will tell me a day or two before that she’s feeling sick of work. 

Last week she said she is stressed with work and will be taking time off, she got a sock note from the doctor and took a week off, she doesn’t want to go back tomorrow and I asked how she was feeling, she said she was okay and I said are you going to work tomorrow, she said no I will get sock again, 10 minutes later she claims to have a head arche, I said what’s the worst thing that could happen if you go to work tomorrow, she said she might feel feint, anyway we go to bed and I ask her again, are you going to work tomorrow and she says she doesn’t feel well (head ache) I tell her she is making excuses but whatever I’m going to sleep, she then starts crying, goes in the other room starts hyperventilating (first time I’ve seen her do this) really loudly for ages, it’s clear she’s not making any effort to calm herself down, I go see her and she is like shouting at me for not understanding, I say whatever F off and she goes in the other room and starts hyperventilating again, she is now FaceTiming her dad and who calmed her down. I’m sat in the other room not responding to it. Am I wrong? I don’t respond to OTT

Update:

@Merit - Thank you for the response, I’m fully aware of anxiety issues, I have my own to deal with, I could have handled it better but she has issues like this with the last 3 jobs she’s had and I’ve just lost all patience. In my mind I feel she wants attention and if I give it to her she wins but at the same time if she has a genuine problem I will probably think she’s exhadurating. 

3 Answers

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  • Merit
    Lv 4
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    It sounds like her job gives her serious anxiety, or she just has anxiety and her job makes it worse. You pressuring her about it doesn't help things. Try to be understanding.

    My advice to her would be to seek counseling or therapy, if she isn't in it already.

    I previously had to leave a job due to terrible anxiety. It was hard, but that was the right decision because the job was a terrible fit for me. She could be in the same situation, or not. The only way to find out is to talk to her. Be gentle and let her take her time. Try not to judge.

  • 2 months ago

    This isn't about right or wrong.  It is about each of your abilities and willingness to  deal with your emotions.

    Your girlfriend has a lot of anxiety and doesn't seem particularly well suited for a high-stress job like being a chef. It is up to her to get help for her anxiety and learn to manage stress without falling apart or lashing out.  At this point, it doesn't look like she's interested in getting help. Maybe her parents or boss need to intervene. You can always suggest it, but based on your post, I doubt she will take kindly to your suggestion.  She seems to want to be a victim and drama queen.  

    It is up to you to decide whether or not you want to be in a relationship with an anxiety-ridden chef.  If you find her behavior annoying and or are unable to feel sympathy for her, then you probably would be doing both of your a favor by ending the relationship and moving on. You can try to be more caring and understanding, but the reality is you are not married and you are not responsible for her mental health.  

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    In my opinion your first mistake was even asking her repeatedly if she was going to work tomorrow. Secondly telling her that she was just making excuses was a bad idea as was telling her to F off. What should you do? Either learn how to diffuse a situation or get your own place and a new girlfriend. Personally I wouldn't have the patience to deal with such an emotional weakling. That's what she seems to be and you seem to be at the end of your patience in dealing with the drama, so why not hasten the inevitable?

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