Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsEngagements & Weddings · 2 months ago

Not ready for soon to be engagement, what do I do? ?

Basically been going out with BF 11 months now, he has shown me he's got an engagement ring and said he plans on doing it beginning of next year. Inside I am freaking out Incase he does it soon. I love him but it just seems such a big step and with him already buying it I'm seriously panicking!

I'm not wanting to go anywhere incase it happens, I'm questioning is this the love of my life, how does anyone know that? 

I'm feeling suffocated because of it, I do really love him but I'm just not ready for that. I don't want to hurt he's feelings by saying send it back. 

I grew up very Independent, I lived alone from the age of 16 and I'm now 26. Is it normal to be so anxious about this. What should I do? 

Update:

He said he plans on it been next year so will be like a year and a half but I'm just worried it will be sooner. I think with him going in the forces in the next couple of month it's a promise type thing. 

14 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You need to sit him down and explain that while you love him you just haven't dated long enough to know each other well enough to get married. The standard is 24 months and if a couple really spends a lot of time talking about their values, future goals and feelings about everything that's just about as long as it takes to be able to commit for life. 

  • 1 month ago

    "I don't want to hurt he's feelings by saying send it back."

    Your feelings are perfectly fine.  After only 11 months, I'd guess most people wouldn't be ready for this.  What's scary is the above.  By the time the topic of marriage is being talked about, your communication should be a lot more open and honest than what you said here.  It's not about hurting his feelings.  It's about each of you communicating to the other where you are in the relationship and what next steps you think make sense.  

    In other words, you don't seem sure what his plans are, and you didn't mention anything about discussing all this with him.  Forget about the ring.  Talk to him about your relationship and your feelings.  If nothing else, your question proves beyond any doubt that as a couple, the 2 of you are nowhere near ready to be considering these big steps.  Communication is everything.

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    If he was the right one I honestly think you would know because he would ring all your bells. 

  • drip
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    First off buying an engagement ring , then telling your girlfriend you bought it for her,  but she can’t have it,  and sometime in the future, Months and months from now, you plan on asking her to marry you is just odd.  Does anyone else find that odd? 

    You two need to sit down and talk.  BEFORE he asks you to marry him You talk about the future. Money, finances, jobs, children. Where you want to live. Just to hit the highlights. “I'm feeling suffocated because of it”. Not a good sign at all. And your honest feeling. Don’t second guess them.You should tell him (ASAP)  you don’t want to get married any time in the foreseeable future.  You are not even thinking about marriage at this point in your life.   And before you do get engaged there are many things you need to talk through first.I would tell him you love him. But you think he should take the ring back while he can.  You can always buy a ring together when the time is right.At your age you should be with a man at least two years and have many talks about the future before you talk about getting married.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    It's absolutely normal to panic. Like you, I am very independent relationship wise and I love spending my time alone. I am 28 and have never been in a romantic relationship, nor do I think I would ever want one. I have way too many hobbies that I am passionate about and being in a relationship = responsibilities for me, and I do not want to give up my self employed/nomadic lifestyle to be with someone as most people require their partners to be career stable and financially frugal, which I am neither of those things.

    If you had the choice between your relationship with him and your freedom which would you be happier to choose, and which would you miss the most after you make the choice? If you really and truly do love him, then absolutely accept his proposal if you do wish to be with him. If you value your freedom and independence, politely refuse to accept his ring. 

    In the end, it all comes down to how you want to live your life. No one else can decide that for you, not even a partner or someone on the internet! 

  • 2 months ago

    You're in an adult relationship, presumably.

    So TALK like adults. Tell him you're not ready to commit to marriage at this stage. 

  • Tj
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You need to tell him NOW, you are not ready to take the big step, let him return the ring. 

  • 2 months ago

    If he is going into the military, next year is a long ways away due to his training requirements. Don't be talked into marriage before he completes his training. Once the training is done he will be stationed somewhere and you would have to move to be with him. That's when if you both feel for each other, by all means make the plans. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    HAHAHAHHA break up with him dummy........

    sure thumbs me down, dummy

  • 2 months ago

    Before he thoroughly embarrasses both you and him by proposing with the ring and you say no, talk to him.  Suggest that you and he relax your relationship a little bit.  As I don't have a clue how tight your relationship is right now I can't suggest specifics.  But if you're living together, for example, suggest that you two move to separate digs for a while.  Still date, but living apart.

    Point is...cool it before he proposes and you reject him.

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