Zack asked in HealthMental Health · 1 month ago

What's some advice I can give to my friend who was abused?

There's a friend of mine I met online, through our time together I learned in painful detail that she was a victim of sexual abuse when she was younger. She's 14 now, but she has the mindset that "It was all my fault" and such despite someone tricking her and taking advantage of her.

If any of you have suffered sexual abuse at a young age, how did you deal with the pain and move on? Any advice you can give, I will gladly pass it on to my friend and hopefully over time her mental wounds will heal. Thank you.

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    I was raped at 15. That was hell. I didn't "get over it" for a VERY long time, mind you. It was years of punishing myself; killing myself with drugs, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and attempted suicide. Twice. It wasn't until my early 20's that I had had ENOUGH of being the victim and wanted to be a survivor. I came into it in my own time, though. No amount of friends offering a sympathetic shoulder pushed me towards recovery quicker, even though it should have. They all thought they had the solution, that it would "be ok," and not to worry about it, past was past. They weren't waking up with me in cold sweats, thinking he was in the house. They weren't plagued with guilt for just being there and available to him. They weren't there when I miscarried, and still think about that baby every single day for the last 20 years. 

    What I'm saying is: be there. Just be there for her to talk to. You can very gently press getting professional help, but she still feels incredibly vulnerable, like she can't trust anyone. I highly doubt she's told her own parents. You are online, and safety net that she can block and ignore at any time, so you made her feel open and easy to talk to. Good on you. But you still have to tread lightly. It is not your place to tell her what to DO, but God knows, I should have screamed it on the mountain tops what happened to me and let everyone and their mom know the day after. But we don't. We are scared and terrified of the backlash, that we are lying, that we are not worth it and not validated all because SOME women claim sexual assault that didn't happen. We are called liars. 

    She's broken. She's more fragile right now than you will ever know. So just be there. Tell her she's stronger than she will ever know and a fighter, and she can get help whenever she wants. Tell her that this will not define her, not ruin her life, and it DOES NOT make her a horrible person. This is NOT HER FAULT. Tell her she is worth everything in the world and then some. Tell her that there are people that will believe her and that you can walk with her every step of her journey. But most of all, just tell her YOU WILL BE THERE.

  • LAN
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Get professional help.  Anything else would be pointless or as likely to cause harm as anything else.   That's why begging for attention here over and over is such a useless pastime.

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