My boyfriend slapped me for using a racist word. He's said sorry but wants me to apologize too and I don't agree. Is he right?
We are 20 years old and have been living together for a year. We have known each other since we were 12. He is Mexican, I'm white. We were curled up on the couch watching TV and being playful and he called me a spoiled little white girl, it was all in good fun. But we were getting a little intense and I stupidly used the n word. It doesn't even apply to him since he's Latino, but he's dark-skinned and somehow took offence. And as I had my head in his lap, he slapped me on my face, not over hard but firm enough to sting and make my eyes water.
He walked away and later said sorry but he expects me to apologize and I said no. No one has ever hit me for anything in my life and I didn't want to say sorry just because of one bad action. He claims by that logic his slap on my face was also just one bad action. This is causing tensions between us. I love him, he's wonderful and caring and he thinks the world of me as well but I don't see why I should say sorry to him. Should I?
- RickLv 51 month agoFavorite Answer
Your using that word on him hurt him a bit more than you realize. His slapping you was unacceptable. You both screwed up. I`m sure he cares a lot about how you see him, and your using that word for some reason, really hurt/scared him, likely more than it should have, because he mostly knows you didn`t mean it in the way it sounded. You both need to talk about this to better understand each other, and so you can both agree to forgive and forget. Make it very clear to your boyfriend that physical violence will never be tolerated. Never again! Best of love to you both.
- D50Lv 61 month ago
You and he may not realize it, but your membership in different social classes is making your relationship difficult. He feels inferior, you feel superior. He has a thin skin about that. If you can't talk about it directly and deal with it, you should end it.
- TjLv 71 month ago
What will he hit you for next?......You need to find a new guy.
- 1 month ago
Apologise to each other and move on
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- BrianLv 71 month ago
Two wrongs don't make it right. You both need to apologize to each other or go your separate ways. Yes you were wrong for dropping an N bomb on him but he committed assault by slapping you on the face as a reaction which was also VERY wrong - if not moreso wrong than you were but that still doesn't justify your initial wrong.
- KiethLv 71 month ago
Send him to jail for slapping you, using words isn't illegal, and even if it was, he still couldn't slap you for it.
- Emily RoseLv 61 month ago
No matter what color anyone is unless it's in a playful way no one should be putting their hands on you. Then he wants you to apologize on top of that? absolutely not. The fact that you said the N word and he slapped you is a red flag because not only did he hit you but that was his way of "correcting" you. He's not your dad. Does he follow the tradition of his culture? i hope not because in their culture their woman is second and if you stand up for yourself they slap the sh*t out of you. Not all of them do but most will that are old school and follow that stupid tradition. You don't need to say you're sorry you need to leave because he hit you. It's up to you if you give him another chance but you're gonna feel like an idiot for staying if he does it again.
- martinLv 71 month ago
You're not supposed to use that word. Just apologize, even though he should apologize far more.
- Dr. StephanieLv 71 month ago
You were wrong to say what you did, of course. But no man should ever lay his hands on any woman in anger, and that made him even more wrong than you were. Sure, say you're sorry. Then get the hell out of this relationship, permanently. I know you have a long history together, but do you want to risk becoming a victim of abuse? This could be just the start. It may have nothing to do with his cultural background; or, it could be the case. It matters not; what matters is that he hit you, and that's all that counts. Go, go , go, and don't look back!