Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

What does this girl want?

So I’ve been dating this girl for about 4 months now. She’s 20 I’m 27. She is Indonesian and I am white. We are both Christian but she is not as involved. 

Here is the issue with her:

1. She refuses to show affection in public. 

And I don’t mean typical pda I mean she won’t even stand close to me. You wouldn’t guess we are dating or friends in some instances. 

I have brought it up and she says everyone is different and she doesn’t like it and I should respect that. However, w her friends she doesn’t have this issue only w me. 

2. She ignores me when she is mad. 

She gets mad at me frequently. About once a week and when she does she usually will ignore me for the rest of that day. 

I have told her we need to communicate about things or it will never get better and she just says she doesn’t like to. 

3. She insults me regularly. 

She says that I am annoying and don’t consider other peoples feelings among others but those are the big two. She is completely ok with bashing me with her friends and I have seen convos of it that are seriously hurtful. 

With all this considered I feel like this girl doesn’t even like me. When I tell her that she assures me she does and to be fair she always comes back to me. But all this stuff is hurtful and I would have left this girl a long time ago but for some reason I fell pretty hard for her really fast and I can’t do it. 

Please help.. I am constantly under stress bc of this girl and I just want to be happy with her. 

Update:

I really need a woman’s advice because I feel like only a woman can understand this. 

Update 2:

Please see answer from op below 

11 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    A relationship is work from both parties and compromise it seems like your putting in all the effort which as a result has given you lots of stress.That doesn't seem okay. I would really think about the pros and cons here. Hope you make the right decision for you and your happiness.

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  • 1 month ago

    1. does everybody that is close to you both know you're dating? if it is, then maybe, she's the type that is satisfied w/ only close acquaintances or the people that matters knowing the situation. 

    2. why did she get mad though, was it maybe a big issue that she already told you about it but you accidentally forgets it? how big was the issue for her to be mad like that? yes, communication is really important but sometimes, both sides just throw words back and forth with each other forgetting to listen and understand your partner.

    3.i think, you should try and meet other people too, because from what i know (not that i have a lot of experiences in relationships), you should have each others back, a healthy relationship is like; you-watch-my-back-i-watch-yours kinda thing. so if that's what she says in front of her close friends then no, even how many times she says she loves you base from number 3, she is not in love with you. 

    sorry, i think she's just a chapter from your book that you're meant to learn from,

    good luck and i hope you find the love you deserve!!

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  • 1 month ago

    I know you only want advice from women, but from what you've described it doesn't sound like she's a strong woman who has true love for you. You have to have mutual respect in order to have true love - her lack of respect includes insulting you regularly and refusing to communicate when she is feeling angry.

    A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), puts forth their best effort, and displays self-control (of their body, anger, tongue and money). 

    You may need to talk to a professional counselor to help you talk through this. Counseling is often available for a low fee through health insurance. Almost everyone needs counseling at some point in their life.

    Hope this helps!

    Source(s): True Love Lasts - written with a character emphasis for teens through young adults, Straight Talk About Teen Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 13-19, Straight Talk About Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 20 and up
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  • 1 month ago

    "I am constantly under stress bc of this girl and I just want to be happy with her." - This explains everything...and pretty sums up to be a toxic relationship 

    Sorry bro, but she's not emotionally healthy. She's still learning how to be an adult per say. 

    Question is, why do you allow yourself to be disrespected that way? Especially if she constantly criticize you. Please seek help and I mean that will much kindness. 

    Let her go and you'll feel much better. Trust me. 

    ~Left from a toxic relationship myself. 

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  • 1 month ago

    She doesn’t like you. Move on

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  • Rick
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I wouldn't be with a woman like her.  She's hurtful and plays games.  Relationships are hard enough and they don't need this.

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  • 1 month ago

    i dont think you really need our advice,you already answered yourself 

     logically you are in a toxic relationship 

    she doesnt respect you 

    she is immature maybe because she i very young and maybe this is the way she is and she dosent want to change herself 

    communication is the most basic fundamental thing in any successful  relationship and you dont seem to have it 

    my advice is to move on

    i really wish you find a good mature girl to be comfortable with because relationships are found to make us happy not sad 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Original poster addition: 

    1500 is not enough to truly explain..  

    I want to add a few good points for this girl that keep me around and make it hard to understand what all this negative means. 

    1. She has two cousins she is extremely close with and one friend. 

    All of them have been telling her to leave me from day one and one even said she would stop talking to her if she didn’t leave me. 

    Despite all of this she has stuck around and felt with their insults. 

    I don’t expect to be able to compete with her family and lifelong friends but I am impressed And flattered she doesn’t give in to them. 

    2. I am good friends with her brother and I talk to him about my concerns and he is always assuring me she likes me a lot and I need to chill out. 

    3. Although she is distant in public she goes out of her way to include me in her plans even when it involves those who don’t like me and don’t want me to come. 

    4. I have addressed that her talking bad about me to her friends is hurtful and she has stopped it completely from what I can see now unless she is doing it in private. 

    I just don’t wanna give off the negatives only. There are reasons I like this girl so much it’s just these three things are really hurtful and I can’t figure out how to deal with it. 

    Especially the ignoring it drives me up a wall and I spam her until she responds which she says is annoying.... 

    but if I just let her ignore me and don’t address it it hurts me a lot..

  • 1 month ago

    I know yours is just one side of the story.  But from your side only, she sounds like the one who's not considering "other peoples feelings"...yours.  Ditch her.  I think she's got issues and you really don't want to get involved with a woman with issues.

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  • 1 month ago

    Part of this is cultural. Part of it is her age - at twenty she is still learning about he adult self. 

    We fall madly in love, don’t we, thinking (feeling rather) that it will last forever and is enough for a serious relationship. However, it’s very hard to live on an emotional high for very long. Eventually we start to come down from the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, typically after around 18 months to three years (people vary of course). If couples are friends, discuss their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partnership. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage, for example, requires a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility. If a strong friendship is not in place, the relationship will probably peter out eventually - or worse. Quite often we fall in love because we are lonely and allow ourselves to be won over by anyone who takes an interest in us. Thus we give away control to somebody else if we are not careful. This is another reason for taking things very slowly, and really getting to know someone before committing ourselves or getting too emotionally or sexually involved. Sex can be emotionally bonding, which is disastrous if the other things are not there: strong friendship, similar values and standards, common interests, etc.  

      

    Good Luck!

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