Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Am I too overbearing/controlling with my daughter?

We live in NY, and my 31 year old daughter wants to spend a week at her boyfriend's place in Virginia. I'm not happy with it and I criticized her for it. I asked her who will help me with some of the things at home in which she said her brother or her sister can help me. They've been in a LDR and, while her boyfriend comes back a lot to visit and I have nothing against him personally, I want them to just stay here in NY. I don't want my daughter to move to a different state from me, which she has mentioned before. And we had argued about it a few times. His family is here as well and he only moved to Virginia because he got a really good job offer. He said he wants to earn enough money to start his own family and give them a comfortable life. I understand that, but can't he do that in NY as well? My daughter said she's not abandoning the family if she moves, and that she just want to live her life and venture out to experience new things. I can't help but feel that she is being selfish. What about me and the family? Shouldn't my love for her all these years be more important than her boyfriend?

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Yeah, you're way too overbearing and if you keep on trying to put reins on her, you'll lose her forever. When I was 18 I moved halfway across the country from my family for college. I never went back. I still talk to my family regularly but I'm living my life. Your daughter is 31, not 13. She's more than old enough to make her own life choices now. You and the family are also able to fend for yourselves, I assume. Love doesn't disappear because someone moves away. Just be happy for her happiness. 

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  • dman63
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    She’s 31, and she can live her own life as she sees fit.  If anything, you’re the one who’s being selfish.  Back off.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    you cant stop her if shes 31

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  • 1 month ago

    Sure, but no more than any other mother.  Another thing that is for sure is that you are a bad liar.  It is very obvious this is being asked by the daughter trying to pose as the mother asking the question mainly because you have asked this question so many times.

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  • ..
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    It's YOU who is selfish. At 31, she should have complete independence if she wants it, as anyone else does.

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