My boyfriend wants to get married but refuses to buy an engagement ring. Should I break up with him instead of marrying him?
Keeping it short, boyfriend believes that the diamond company is a scam but ignoring that argument nearly everything in life is a scam if you want to argue about that, too. It all depends what you "buy into" at the end of the day. For me, an engagement ring symbolizes both of us wanting to spend our lives together, and for me the diamond represents an unbreakable bond.
Whether he gives me a ring (or someone else does), I will stand by the fact that an engagement is not solidified or complete without a ring. Women do a lot for (and put up with a lot from) for men and to me the ring also represents that they are grateful to have the woman in their lives.
People like to claim that feminism ruined the traditional engagement but no matter how you look at it some parts of tradition will always remain with us. It has always been women who bear the children and (more often than not) give up a large portion of themselves in order to trade it for a life of being a wife and mother.
I think that of itself is deserving of an engagement ring. Now I don't know where to go with him. Should I give him a chance or find someone who takes commitment more seriously?
- - Mé -Lv 71 month agoFavorite Answer
I agree w you that if he wants to play the scam argument then everything is an scam too.
Surely he plays videogames too, or has an expensive car or other expensive items?
He's being an hypocrite.
Be clear "A ring is important for me. If you arent willing to put my wishes on this small thing then we shouldn't get engaged at all"
- 4 weeks ago
Great for him.. Ypou should nt be wanting him to run out and spend 6 months pay for a ring.. Use the money for something more important and useful and get a 50 dollar ring.
- 1 month ago
Wow! So much misunderstanding of the ring, it's significance, the history, and tradition.
For the longest time wedding rings were a plain gold band......for both! The advertising from the diamond/jewelry companies in the 1940's is what put stones onto engagement/wedding rings. Before 1947, very few rings had jewels, mostly the rich or monarchy.
Second, its been long tradition that the groom privately picks out and purchase the ring without any input from the woman. Today, many women insist on going ring shopping "together" by being domineering. It's supposed to be the man'said choice. Then, the man is to pop the question and present the ring at the same time. It is acceptable for the man to take along a female family member/friend to help with the choice, (let's face it, some of us guys can't pick out anything with any taste).
Third, the bride to be has a couple of choices about the ring.........accept it and live happily ever after...........reject the ring which means rejecting the proposal as well.........or, accept the ring, take it to a jeweler for the changes you want and pay for the changes yourself.
The ring idea comes from the Roman days. Back then, the ring was symbolic of ownership! The wife was considered to be a man's property.
As being an older guy, (60), I think you're being extremely childish over the ring thing. You seem to measure love on the size of a stone......the bigger the stone, the more he love you. That attitude is so wrong and you are definitely heading for a divorce. That along with your entire 2nd paragraph shows you're heading for a ditch at 100 mph.
I got rid of 1 wife that had a attitude similar to yours. I worked full-time at a physical demanding job, plus I worked a part-time job. I made excellent money per month...... $8500. Per month. We had a nice house, pool in the back yard, nice cars, etc, etc. I performed all the vehicles maintenance, did all the yard work, maintained the pool and hot tub, did the grocery shopping, the home repairs, ( something around the house was always going bad.......the faucet has a leak, one of the pot lights bulb burned out,
etc,), did my own laundry, and did a lot of the housework.
Her? She got to the point of not cleaning anything, refused to cook breakfast, make lunch, dinner was something tossed in the microwave, or just a couple hot dogs, and refused sex. After a few years, she had to go to save my sanity.
Best times of my life were my bachelor days.
So your "grateful to have the woman in their lives" goes both ways!
- TrishLv 51 month ago
It's entirely up to you but I would think twice about marrying someone who could not supply a ring. The ring also symbolizes how well he will provide for you depending on the value of the ring or what type of stone. This speaks to me he is not a good provider and God wants you to çhoose a good provider.
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- FireplaceLv 61 month ago
You did not succeed at "keeping it short".
How can you possibly claim to want to marry this man with that attitude of yours? You obviously are not suited to each other.
If you think a ring makes for an unbreakable bond, you may want to check out the divorce rate in Western countries, darling.
- virtual_cleoLv 71 month ago
Ahem. Is this some kind of a joke? An engagement consists of an agreement to marry. Nothing else. The diamond industry is not only a scam, but capitalizes on slavery. Does he ever buy you any jewelry at all? Consider the possibility of a charming, perhaps antique, ring with a semiprecious stone. (When you are mature enough to marry, of course.) If you ever manage to bully him into buying the ring he will never let you live it down anyway.
- gLv 71 month ago
I don't personally feels that the ring itself is evidence of how seriously one takes the commitment, but that's just me. He feels how he feels, as do you. It sounds very much that this may somehow become the hill this relationship dies on: over a piece of jewelry. Is your entire relationship worth that? Only you can answer that.
- Coach SimonLv 71 month ago
Perhaps he can't afford the sort of ring that you would expect. Might there be some money problems you don't know about? The excuses he uses don't seem genuine to me, but you know him better than us.
I wonder whether you need to have a close look at your own priorities. I don't really feel that you are ready for marriage - but I can only, guess obviously.
Take a step back, perhaps. Have some discussions with the people who know and love you most, your parents (I presume).
- TealLv 71 month ago
Have you explained why the ring is important to you? There are ethical ways to source diamonds, he can't deny you on principal alone. But if you can't communicate a basic expectation, and he can't compromise or understand your point of view, then you need to end the engagement. This is a relatively minor disagreement, you don't have a future with him if you can't resolve it together.