Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 month ago

Court house marriage and then a big ceremony? Is this ok? ?

Our daughter is getting married this year. She wants to go to the court house and get married. Then a few days later have a commitment ceremony. At this commitment ceremony she will wear a long white dress, walk down an isle, have bridesmaids, flowers etc. A reception will follow for about 150 people. It's her day and she can do what she wants but is this ok? I've never heard of getting married at the court house and then basically pretending to get married again in front of all your family and friends. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around all of this. Her father and I will be paying for the commitment ceremony and reception. The cost is equal to what we paid for her sisters wedding two years ago. The cost is not the issue. I'm just confused if this is what people are doing now. 

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  • 1 month ago

    Well, I've heard of people doing this, and I've also heard how it went over.  It's just a bad idea.  Also, you mentioned something about "pretending to get married again".  Does this imply the guests won't know she's a married woman? It's a terrible idea anyway, but this kind of deception takes it to a new level.

    The other issue is logistics.  If she's doing this a couple days after the wedding ceremony, why not do it all at the same time?  The reception is what requires the most planning and expense, by far.  So she'd just hold the reception and find an officiant.  All states keep lists of certified ones and they're easy to find.  This is the ONLY additional item she'd add to the reception and then she's a bride having a wedding and reception.

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  • Trish
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    This is the question a lot lately because of the restrictions imposed as a result of the coronavirus.

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  • 1 month ago

    It's one way to do it! Let hem have whatever they want, if you don't mind the costs involved--it's their choice. It doesn't have to be 'what people do' in other situations. They want to be married, they'll GET legally married, then they'll take their time celebrating that marriage in some way so everyone can have a good time! Nothing wrong with that!

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  • 1 month ago

    Er nope.

    She gets ONE wedding; this is when she gets married, and the only time she can have a bridal party (as it's the only time she will be a bride). 

    If she wants a small wedding, and a later party, then fine - but the party is not a reception, and she doesn't get presents, bridesmaids, or any of the other trimmings of the actual wedding. 

    It would be weird to need a commitment ceremony only 2 days later; and many guests might choose not to attend as it's not the actual wedding. 

    • virtual_cleo
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      People will get presents if they want to.

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  • 1 month ago

    I’ve heard of it, but just barely. In some countries (Monaco, for instance) ALL marriages are civil ceremonies. You can follow with a church ceremony if that means something to you. That’s the way Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier did it. Or you can marry in a civil ceremony and decide later that you really ought to have been married in church. But I really don’t see the point in people who could marry in church and want to marry in church getting a civil ceremony first. It’s certainly not a trend. EDIT: I wonder if the person whom she wants to perform the commitment ceremony is someone not authorized to solemnize a marriage.

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  • drip
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Why wouldn’t she wait two days to get married?

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  • 1 month ago

    People can do what they want. However, a pastor won't perform a wedding for someone all ready married. People may decide not to come since it's not "real".

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  • 1 month ago

    I don't know why she doesn't just get married during her faux wedding. Is this something her fiance insists on? Is the courthouse wedding actually just b.s.? She needs to explain herself -- and maybe rethink getting married at all. How old is she? 12?

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  • Dze
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    why not .. the idea of marriage is to seal the vows in front of witnesses ..

    • Edna
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      Dze:  She'll have witnesses at a wedding in a Courthouse - even if the witnesses are only people who work in the Courthouse.

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  • 1 month ago

    many people do exactly that, no big deal.

    • Edna
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      A "do-over" wedding (and that's what this would amount to) is always tacky - no matter what the reason.

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