Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 2 months ago

What do you think about this poem?

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free

I'm following the path God laid for me.

I took His hand when I heard Him call;

I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,

To laugh, to love, to work or play.

Tasks left undone must stay that way;

I found that place at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void,

Then fill it with remembered joy.

A friendship shared a laugh, a kiss;

Ah yes, these things, I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow

I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life's been full, I savored much;

Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seems all to brief;

Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your heart and share with me,

God wanted me now, He set me free.

7 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's pretty good. A bit predictable with the rhymes.

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  • 1 month ago

    .....................................

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  • 2 months ago

    it reminds me a little of star wars you know the part when they all went down to holiday  and han was there

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    It is an old poem who's author is unknown. I like it but it is sad. I think it is used in memory of young people who have passed away before their time.

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  • humpty
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    The rhymes are all one syllable standards or predictable old hacks. You managed to avoid love/abobve, but otherwise you seem to have hit most of the other standards and end up with something trite where you wanted pathos and comfort.

    May I suggest a good, old fashioned rhyming dictionary?

    On the plus side, void/joy is an assonance I have not seen before. The intent of the poem comes through however awkwardly. This published and recorded songwriter suggest a careful rewrite with the above in mind and a less simplistic rhyming scheme. Line your rhymes up and see what I mean.

    Keep trying and you will have a polished piece of work, and if you are working out the loss of a loved one please accept my condolences.

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  • Bob
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Whining suicidal thoughts from a teenage Christian.

    • bluebellbkk
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      There's nothing to say it's suicidal. It could just as well be from someone dying young from ANY cause.

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  • Orla
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    I like it........

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