Thoughts on a recent poem I wrote?

I prepared a list 

of things to say to me

to fix the things 

I think were broken

the things I didn’t know were crushing me

I wrote it down in pen

in permanent black ink

exclamation points! scattered

erase marks? visible

I knew where I would meet me

Somewhere private

Somewhere quiet

I was shy, you know! 

A place where you would hear

footsteps and glance up

-can’t help but notice change!

I was ready, to wait

at the door for you

and i’d lightly brush your arm

you’d know I’m you!

I’d know you’re me

i would have rehearsed my philosophy

detailing how you can fix it!

But

a look of wonder in our eye

confused the tear in mine

I looked so tall

she said

no words left for me

parchment in between my fingers

crumpling

How can we reach

for the furthest constellation

if were never at first

taken by the obsidian

footsteps away

for words, they will stay

4 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Good thoughts and ideas but a bit, clunky ?

  • 8 months ago

    It seems pretty good to me.

  • 8 months ago

    it sounds good to me

  • Lee
    Lv 4
    8 months ago

    Honestly, too long and needs a title, a good title sets the mood and makes you want to read the poem, opens the door.

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