Stanley asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 2 weeks ago

Is this any good, what do you think?

The Pidgeon coup

There was frost on the garage roof

pigeons were resting in their coup

some were awake, some sound asleep

but sly old fox he scents them and leaps

but the coup is to high

the sly old fox thought he could fly.

3 Answers

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  • Tina
    Lv 7
    2 weeks ago
    Best Answer

    I think you mean coop, not coup.

    You have a rather dodgy rhyme scheme:

    roof/with the half-rhyme coop/asleep with another near rhyme/ leaps

    Then you finish with a couplet, but although it rhymes each line has a different rythm - so you have the first four lines that scan (pretty much) - until you get to the fifth line -but don't rhyme, and the last two that rhyme but don't scan.

    Perhaps the last two lines could run:

    But the coop was far too high

    The silly fox thought he could fly.

    Anyway you need to sort out your spelling - 'coop' and 'too' as in 'too high'

    and perhaps work on the rhyme and the scansion.

    • Mike
      Lv 7
      2 weeks agoReport

      Other than that, it's perfect.

  • 2 weeks ago

    It's childlike and lighthearted.

  • Mike
    Lv 7
    2 weeks ago

    Was that Walter Pidgeon? What did he overthrow?

    • Ludwig
      Lv 6
      2 weeks agoReport

      Sir Walter Pigeon.  He defeated the Spanish Armada.

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