Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 4 weeks ago

I cheated on my 9 month gf. I love her with all my heart. it was a one-night stand. deeply regretful. should i tell her or wait until later?

i cheated on my 9 month gf. she is the loml and i can't imagine losing her. I know she's the one for me and i want to marry her, do i tell her or wait until we become a stronger couple? i know we will not make it if i tell her now.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 9 months. She was and is the love of my life. We both met at 18 our first year of college. We fell in love instanty, she had me so sprung and deeply in love. She was my first everything, first time, first serious girlfriend, first everything. I still love her with all of my heart, however about a week ago I made probably the dumbest mistake of my whole life. After a huge shift at work, a coworker offered me 10$ for a ride home, which I accepted w no bad intentions at all. I took the money and drove her home. In the way to her house, we were hitting a thc pen and ended up getting pretty fckin high. When I dropped her off, one thing led to the other and I completely just lost my self control and let my curiosity get the best of me. I ended up hooking up with this girl. It did not go long at all, I stopped it early because I began to imagine my girlfriend and I just couldn’t keep going. It didn’t sit right at all. I drove home, got in bed, and cried my eyes out. I didn’t sleep that night. As a matter of fact, this whole past week I don’t think I’ve gotten a single full night of sleep. My mind feels extremely guilty. I can’t explain it.


I really don’t feel like the same boyfriend from that night, I had no clue why I was doing what I was doing. I feel like being 19 with only 1 girl of experience just made me super curious, and it just got the best of me along with being heavily under the influence. It’s just weed tho, so it’s not a huge excuse. My girlfriend has been with 3 guys in her life, and has even kissed a girl before. I have literally had no experiences AT ALL before my gf, and I think that just played a part too.

Update 2:

I have no idea why I was thinking like that, but a week later I still can’t believe what I piece of **** I am. I have been taking a video diary that I could hopefully show my gf in the future to show her my remorse. However do you guys think that I should i tell her this? Or should I wait until we grow older and stronger together? Keep in mind I want to be with this girl for the rest of my life.

Update 3:

I also do not plan on marrying her for as long as I keep this lie. I know that the day that I decide I want to propose to her (which I know I will), I will have to man up and tell her the whole truth. I do not want her to enter a marriage based on a lie, and I really can’t imagine myself getting down on one knee knowing I betrayed her years ago. I feel like out of the 100% of people who cheat, I am in that 10–20% range that actually feels the ultimate guilt and remorse. I deeply regret that day.

Update 4:

I have already seeked counseling and have attended church confessions, and I’m really just praying every day that I get to keep this girl in my life.

Update 5:

i am 1000% sure what i feel for this girl is love. no question about it. i feel so bad going through these answers. please keep in mind that i am so young and already feel so bad for what ive done. ive seeked professional help and i am so sorry to my love. i want to tell her now so bad, but i just cant break her heart. i was a virgin up until this january, and this is the first girlfriend i have ever had in my life. i was just not thinking and was stupid young kid i am so regretful

Update 6:

I have not said anything yet. i still feel very guilty and i just got done crying as a matter of fact LOL. i have been hanging out with her and i still feel like i love her unconditionally. my guilt remains, but she still makes it easier to tolerate when im with her. she is my bliss, idk how to describe it. i am still much in love with her. i would still want to keep this a secret until we're at a later stage. hopefuly she will consider our age at the time bc im sure i want her for life

Update 7:

and i know i deserve all of the negativity that i am getting. my poor gf doesn't deserve this and i know that i did something awful, i would talk **** too. But i promise that i am truly regretful and feeling the guilt every day of my life. my heart shatters when i realize i will have to tell her in the future. I pray to god every night that our future is already written in stone. only god and i know that my true intentions are, and that is to fix myself and to give this girl my everything.

Update 8:

I wouldn't propose the same day i confess. i wouldn't expect to be able to propose bc i already expect the worst when i tell her. i know that telling her is most morally correct, and even for me that seems valid, but just knowing that we might not be mature enough to understand each other just yet,just hope and pray every night that if i tell her in the future she will love me enough to forgive me and give me a chance. i am so broken by this, its been almost 2weeks and still extremely regretful

86 Answers

  • 3 weeks ago

    There are a lot of things I could say about this situation. The bottom line is aside from the obvious you need to tell her because she will eventually find out. You cheating on her in a way is not as bad as you keeping this from her. She needs to know, it's about the only fair thing you could for the lack of a better word. She deserves the truth so she can make her own decision on what she wants to do. Don't be a bigger scum bag by not telling her and wasting her time.

    • john3 weeks agoReport

      But right now if he is giving her the absolute best life and LETS SAY never does it again, I think a mistake at 19 yrs old will be overwritten by years of true love and loyalty. It sucks that he’s keeping it from her, it truly does and it’s not fair, but he wants to keep her forever, soooo...

  • Aslam
    Lv 4
    3 weeks ago

    Spray yourself in the face with dog repellent, and then you won't need to confess anything.

    • Anna
      Lv 5
      3 weeks agoReport

      He's not going to cheat again he feels guilty and loves her.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    If you truly loved her than why did you feel the need to cheat? And if you feel so guilty why would you not be open and honest about what happened? The longer you wait to tell her the more and more it will look like you simply don't care. Did you not tell her because you have gotten away with it thus far?  If you really care like you say you will tell her without hesitation.

    • Quan3 weeks agoReport

      He said that he was under the influence of drugs.

  • Don't smoke weed

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  • 3 weeks ago

    If you can't keep your pants zipped you have no business getting into/starting a so called committed relationship!

    Better chances are if you cheated once you WILL cheat again!

    People like you have no clue to what commitment is and you take without giving again and again!

    You have no respect for yourself, let alone anyone else!

  • 3 weeks ago

    You're very young, youth is for mistakes. I would tell her now. 

    • john3 weeks agoReport

      Even if you tell her now or later, if you can prove it was only at 19 and only 1 TIME(which you fixed) I’m sure you will be fine to tell her in the future. Just make sure you make her feel like the most special girl ever. Make her see a difference. Be prepared for the worst tho

  • 3 weeks ago

    9 mnth erased in 1 night .if you really loved her you would not have slept with someone else...too late for regrets're not stable yet for a long term relationship

    • john3 weeks agoReport

      And I understand that him taking it too far doesn’t reflect any love for her whatsoever, but he made a one time careless mistake that he will regret until he confesses, and I don’t think that we will truly know his love for her after 9 months, only him and god know.

  • 3 weeks ago

    Look, you made a mistake. The best you can do is be honest. And stop making excuses for yourself. Say you were high. Say you felt like someone else. You still cheated. You made that decision. If you lose your girlfriend forever over this, then that's the way it will be, but be honest with yourself. If you're honest and say that curiosity got the best of you, you just might have a chance to save the relationship, but that's entirely on her. She has every right to dump you. Give her a reason to let you stay.

  • 3 weeks ago

    Don't listen too much to what some people are saying. You love this girl, and you made a mistake. Everyone does at some point, and you actually stopped it. You can't hate yourself forever, you sound like a lovely boyfriend. The only answer though is tell her sooner than later. Whenever you see this, just tell her that day, please. You don't realise that each day the betrayal increases. The sooner she knows, the sooner things can work out. If you wait and tell her when you guys are 'stronger' she is 10x less likely to forgive you just for not having the respect to tell her. My ex cheated on his girlfriend before me. He slept with one other girl, and he didn't tell her. After about 2 months, he was forced to tell her by the ex of the girl he'd cheated with. So he finally did. They never got back and he lost her because he'd been lying for two months straight. Don't make that mistake, it's almost worse than the cheating in the first place.

    Good luck, you're a good guy, and you deserve her forgiveness, just be honest as soon as you can.

    • john3 weeks agoReport

      No everyone does not, but many many stupid young kids mess things up, and you guys have to give this poor guy a break. Yes what he did deserves a slap to the face, maybe even more. But he seems serious about this girl and he messed up, won’t do it again, and wants to give his girl the world.

  • 4 weeks ago

    What would telling her achieve, other than to make YOU feel less guilty? Answer me that question, and I'll give you sound advice.

    • Rose3 weeks agoReport

      It's true. Apologies mean nothing, actions do.

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