I think my mom needs therapy, I can’t get through to her?
Long story short. I’m an adult woman and I live with my mom. Out of respect I tell her when I’m going out, who I’m gonna be with and where I’m going. Last night I came home drunk around 5 am. I found out later my mom had been following me and my friends and she even called my work, spoke to my supervisor who in turned called me and asked that I call. Why would my mom do this? I genuinely don’t understand. I tell her the truth and she has no reason not to trust me. Not only did she embarrass me in front of my friends but at work too. I’m at the start of new career and these are a great group of friends. I’ve tried to be reasonable and explain any misunderstanding but she refuses to listen
- Anonymous10 months ago
I think that YOU are the one who needs therapy, not your mom. What's with this coming home drunk at 5AM crap? If these people you call your friends were really your friends, they wouldn't have let you get into that state in the first place, and they would have told you that your mom was shadowing you all night.
And you live in your mom's house, so you need to abide by HER RULES, not your own. She was likely worried about you, and she obviously doesn't trust your "friends". You're actually lucky that you didn't LOSE your job for coming home drunk like that. Most companies and government agencies are NOT TOLERANT of having employees show up for work drunk, high, or hung over. It creates too much of a liability for them, and even worse, it puts the employee at risk of accidents.
- FoofaLv 710 months ago
Tell Mom you'll be forced to move out if she can't trust you to conduct your own affairs. That'll probably stun her into giving you more freedom.
- Pearl LLv 710 months ago
i would move out so your mom dont follow you around
- heart o' goldLv 710 months ago
Your mom calling your supervisor is interfering with your livelihood and is a form of abuse and control.
I won’t address the “drunk coming home at 5 am issue”, we’ve probably all done that at some point but if this is something going on in your life more than an isolated incident, that may be an issue to address.
But your mom following you and calling your employer is WAY over the line, especially the calling of the employer and makes it clear that there are some pretty huge issues relating to power, control and abuse going on. There are NO circumstances where that is appropriate, unless she found written plans in your room about how you were going to shoot up your office.
I suggest immediately moving out, doing what ever it takes to make that happen.
To answer your question more directly:
Your mom probably has some sort of personality disorder, has probably been psychologically and emotionally abusing you your entire life and you likely don’t even realize it because she’s been doing it your entire life and it feels “normal” and you dont know anything else. There is no figuring out the “why” of why they do these things because someone with a ‘normal’ world view will never be able to understand the personality disordered or their motivations.
If you think I might be onto something here try googling:
Emotional and psychological abuse
And reading. If you find something that “feels” familiar, you can read more on it. I find Peg Streeps writing to be very helpful. Also Susan Forward.
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- Anonymous10 months ago
Because you're an adult, an alcoholic, and live at home, not to mention she's your mother. I don't think she's the one who needs help, friend.
- 10 months ago
we all have that time just be patient and maybe she'll pull through but if that don't work then i'm out of ideas