Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

My are my brothers and dad against me seeing my mother (don't sugarcoat it)?

Okay so my mom left us when I was 5. I've been waiting every night asking when is mommy coming home. My dad told me the truth about her a couple years ago that mom left because she didn't want to be a mother, she can't handle motherhood and decided that she wanted her own life. Plus she did drugs and abuse. My dad said he told my mom either she gets cleaned up or he is gone. So she got her act up and cleaned up. But then two months later she left us. My nom and I have been texting each other. I haven't seen her since I was 5. My dad found out and yelled at me. He took my phone away. I told him I want to see her for the holidays but he quickly said no and he doesn't want me near mom. We have a huge fight and I said, "You just don't want me to have a loving mother and daughter relationship!"

He said to me brutally, "SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU! The fact that your mom left us to have her own life proved that she doesn't want you! I want you to stop texting her. You're doing all the texting. You don't need her. Move on!"

I was shocked and hurt that my dad would said that to me. I'm 16 now. I remember on Mothers Day I hated it because I was the only kid in the class that didn't have a mother around and didn't make a gift.


I haven't spoken to her in a month...well that's what they thing. My brother found out and he isn't speaking to me. Me was like, "I thought you weren't going to speak to her and now you've been meeting up with her?! How could you! Don't talk to me! I didn't know what his problem was. My dad called me out for lying too. He and my oldest brother are siding with him. He refuses to speak to me now.

Update 2:

He hasn't spoken to me since Friday evening. I went after him but he was furious and slammed the door in my face. My dad grounded me for a month and took my electronics and things away. Now I can't go to the Halloween bash. 😟😟💔💔💔

Update 3:

I meant "Why" not My. Sorry.

9 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You can't have a loving relationship with an addict, period. The drug will always be more important than you are. Your father is reacting this way because his life partner betrayed him and he's the one who's done all the work in raising you those far. You're 16, meaning in two years you'll be 18 and then can do whatever you like. Appreciate the fact that your dad raised you instead of sticking you into state care and when you're an adult you can tread carefully in getting to know your mother. Do know though that she'll claim to be clean when she isn't, she'll steal your money if you leave your purse unattended and unless she's one of the few who can permanent control her addiction she's going to be a crashing disappointment to you.

  • 1 month ago

    i wouldve texted her anyways and dont tell your dad youre doing that

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    At 16, surely you can understand your dad's reaction. He knows perfectly well that in a few years, when you're on your own and no longer living at home, you'll be free to see her any time you want. In the meantime, though, she still has big potential to hurt you.

    You might think it's cool she's texting you, but what this proves is she's still selfish and immature. A grown adult would realize she needed to get your dad's permission to do this. Being abandoned by a mom is the worst thing that can happen to a child. The mom doesn't have the right to just jump back in when the mood suits her. She could disappear tomorrow and then you're worried and hurt. This is what your dad is trying to protect you from.

    When you accused your dad of not wanting you and your mom to have a "loving" relationship, this wasn't fair to him. I'm sure he wanted this from the very start. But your mom is the one who blew it up, not him.

  • 1 month ago

    Your dad may be extremely angry at your mom because he had to do all the work. He's afraid you'll see her, she'll act nice, and you'll suddenly forget all he did for you. He may also be afraid that your mom will take advantage of you like she perhaps did to him. For now, make sure you let your dad know how much you appreciate all he did for you and that you understand how hard it must have been and how unfair it was for him to have to do all the work. Then, in a month or two, choose a calm time to have a conversation with him about why you would like to meet your mom.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 month ago

    your dad is an idiot. u should report him to child protecting services that he is preventing u to see your mother. what an idiot. he is just jealous and controlling. she didn\t leave YOU, she left HIM because he was a very crappy husband

  • 1 month ago

    Your dad has been super responsible keeping the family together and really sacrificing what should be his leisure time to raise his family. It has to hurt when one of his kids, who he has raised by himself, wants to engage with a "mother" who has not mothered the kids, but has gone her own way and avoided any responsibility. You are really slapping in the face the man who was your mother and dad, who sacrificed to raise you, and who deserves your love and devotion. Apologize to your dad, tell him how you love and appreciate him, and tell him you are only curious about your mom, not wanting to be with her instead of him. Reassure him that you will follow his lead on how to see, meet or be told about your biological mom.

  • audrey
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    In 2 more years You'll be 18 and can do what you want when you move out. For now, do as your dad says. He's the one who put all the blood, sweat, and tears into raising you, not her.

  • That’s heartbreaking... I think it’s understandable there against it . Maybe she’s she’s not on a good place . I don’t think you should see her until she wants to you. I’d listen to your dad I think good luck hunny xo

  • Jay
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    ask an actual question in the header

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.