I have personal experience in this which I will share. It was the right thing for me to do for my own conscience or whatever you want to call it, but I'm in no way saying you should do the same. I've never regretted my decision. My siblings did, big time.
My Dad had a stroke. Just like that out of the blue. Went from being able to walk to being stuck in a wheel chair. Had to retire from his job, move into disabled accommodation. While in hospital for his stroke they discovered he had chronic kidney disease. Once home he was poorly and struggled to adapt to his new life.
I lived an hour away in the city. I was in College studying Psychology, had friends, a boyfriend, a part time job, my own place. I was literally living my dream. I had worked so hard to get my own place at nineteen.
My sisters lived in Norwich. One had no job and three children. The other, full time job and no children. My brother had no children and worked from home.
We got together and arranged a schedule we could all do to help our father get onto his feet. We all agreed to this "timetable". Who would visit him when. What needed to be done in the house, his appointments (as he could no longer drive himself around). I kept to mine. They did not. Not once. They kept not showing up to take him to the doctors, not showing up with his groceries, not cleaning his home or preparing his meals. Our time table meant that each of us only had to make one trip a week to him. It was doable for ALL of us with much strain on our existing lives.
I was doing it all myself. I did that for two years. Four days a week i had to go to his house, college, work, my social life. It was too much. I kept asking my siblings for help as their was no one else. His carers were rubbished and kept not doing things they were meant to do. My siblings neglected to help me and eventually ignored my calls and emails.
I gave up my job and my college and moved out to live with him. My boyfriend refused to do the same, how could I expect him to give up his life? We ended up splitting because it was too hard to see each other. My friends drifted off because they never saw me now I lived an hour away.
My Dad got to a stage where I had to bath him. Feed him. Take him to the toilet. Clean him up when he had accidents.
After two years he finally died. And guess who showed at the hospital and cried fountains of tears because their beloved Daddy had died. The three kids that hadn't been to see him in four years since he'd been ill. They have no idea how much pain they caused him. And how much I had to give up because they were reluctant to change their lives. I call it selfish some may disagree.
They had so much guilt that they hadn't done more. No one said they had to give up everything like I did. I only gave up everything after they failed to keep our agreement. But that guilt made them feel terrible. My eldest sister especially. It made them act like assholes towards me. I had no guilt. I had no regrets. They'll have to live with their decision and that guilt. I have none and have been able to get my life back together and come to terms with my Dad's death. Their guilt prevents them moving on.
Look for other possible solutions. But I could not live with myself knowing he was ill and alone. He was more important to me and so was the fact had had no regrets in my life.
I wont lie. It was exhausting, frustrating and lonely at time but I still feel I had the right choice.