Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 5 months ago

How to cope with my MOH not including me at all in her wedding and going distant?

My best friend since highschool was in my wedding about 9 months ago. She got engaged a month after I got married. I saw her twice and heard from her somewhat regularly until around 4 months ago I havent heard a peep. I went to her bridal shower last weekend and figured out she selected her bridal party and Im not in it. She also had friends help her with the shower some outside of it and she never once contacted me for help. (Im not sure if she initiated this or the friends offered, however). I also felt she acted weird around me at the shower. I can get over not being in her party, and in some ways it is a relief because I dont know the majority of her friends and thatd be stressful to plan, but how she has become distant and acted weird around me really hurt. I feel so embarassed like I misread how close we are...

17 Answers

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  • 5 months ago

    We could all guess from now until August as to why your friend made the choices she made while planning her wedding. We don't know. But, you can certainly find out by talking to her (not e-mail, facebook, IM or text). I would ask her if anything was wrong and did you somehow offend her in some way because you felt the distance between you is growing wider. I think you need to hear it out of the horse's mouth....from her.

  • Ann
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    She may have been somehow offended at your wedding or at the fact she was expected to do a lot as your MOH and she didn't feel appreciated. All you can do is ask her what is wrong and how you can correct the situation so you can still be friends. Maybe her life has just gone in a different direction, and she assumes yours has as well, since you're now married. My granddaughter was to be her BFF's maid of honor, and then the bride's mother decided she didn't like my granddaughter's hair and that it wouldn't look good in the wedding pictures. Her dress had already been bought (over $300) and altered for the wedding and she couldn't return it. The bride let her mother dictate everything, and so now (several years later), the bride still won't speak to my granddaughter and vice versa. If your friend won't talk to you about how she feels about the situation, then you have your answer. The friendship is done.

  • 5 months ago

    I can imagine that must hurt the only thing you can do is talk to her if you really want answers.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Reach out and ask her what's going on.

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  • edward
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    My best man is getting married this winter and i’m not his best man, i understand that you don’t care, we have the same circle of friends. Although i have been with him before when he was hanging out with the guys from his work and he’s a completely different person, i can adjust to be cordial, but i didn’t like who he was with his work friends. People act differently around different people. He doesn’t work there anymore and his friends are much better now as they don’t affect the way he acts but the point is, she may be a different person around these friends than she is with you and your friends

  • 5 months ago

    Showers are thrown by other people - so she wouldn't (or at least, shouldn't) have organised it herself.

    Perhaps she's feeling awkward because she didn't / isn't asking you to be part of her bridal party. You may consider her your best friend; but she might not consider you hers.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    What happened four months ago. She went into deep planning mode for her wedding. She was more involved with her wedding party. And her groom. She is wrapped up with them right now.

    You don’t know her friends , which may be one factor in why she didn’t have you in the wedding party with them.

    Let her get through the wedding. And the honeymoon. You may find things eventually get back to normal with the two of you. You both will be married and things will alter. But you may find the awkwardness gone.

    Brides really don’t throw a shower for themselves. So who ever hosted the shower didn’t call you. Let that go

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    "regularly until around 4 months ago I havent heard a peep" And how many times have YOU contacted HER?

    "She also had friends help her with the shower" No she didn't because brides don't have anything to do with planning a shower. Her friends threw her a shower. You could have offered to throw her a shower. You didn't.

    I don't understand why you think you aren't being included. You were invited to a shower and presumably you are invited to the wedding.

    I'm sensing that your expectations about a MOH or bridesmaid role are out of whack. Just curious, what did you expect her to do for you as MOH? Maybe you really pissed her off with your expectations and therefore she didn't want to deal with you in another wedding.

    No one here has any CLUE what is going on between the two of you. Pick up the phone, invite her to lunch and talk to her.

    Communication...it's a thing we adults find helpful.

  • Cammie
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Call her up and ask her to go out to lunch with you.

  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Sorry but you're not actually owed a spot in her wedding. She may feel differently about your friendship than you do or you and her may just be heading in different directions in life. It's not uncommon for friends to grow apart.

    The bride isn't part of the planning for the shower. Showers are hosted by someone else. traditionally it's the bridesmaids but really can be anyone other than the guest of honor.

    My brother barely talks to is BM from his wedding anymore, they didn't have a falling out per se their lives just went in different directions. I talk to my MOH almost everyday but we also became friends as adults and despite our distance (he lives in Chicago, I live in Michigan) we still stay connected.

    Communication goes 2 ways, you need to ask her. If she doesn't respond... that is your response.

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