How can i move on with my life after my two daughters have been adopted?
I am a 26 year old woman and i have two daughters, the eldest will be 4 in May and the youngest will be 3 in September. Social Services became involved with my family due to my husband suffering from Paranoid Schizopheria and he was unable to read and write and therefore was diagnosed as having a learning difficulty. Years before our daughter was born he had been in prison for sexual assault. He was taking medication and was stable, he also used to smoke cannabis but not at home.
Social Sevices became more involved when i was pregnant with our second daughter and my husband moved in with me we were not married at that time. Shortly after we started to live together he began to have a breakdown and he thought people were coming to the front door and listening in to what was going on in the house and that someone was coming to the door and lifting the letterbox up as a draft was coming in, but no one was there it was his mental illness taking over. Then one day when i was out with our daughter and i was pregnant with our second daughter at that time, he took a knife outside and was shouting abuse at no one he was then arrested and spent a night in the cells at the police station. That incident then lead to Social Services becoming yet more involved and then our daughters were put on a child protection plan.
The police were called again a few months after when we had a big argument and he was arrested and spent the night in the cells. Social Services then said that we had to seperate otherwise they were going to go to court to get the kids taken away.
I was looking after the kids on my own after that and my husband had supervised contact, but his behaviour was getting more erratic and one day he kicked me in full view of the contact worker. The contact was later stopped as he was not focusing on the girls.
I then went into a mother and baby foster placement, where i was having an assessment of my parenting of the girls. I had to have an assessment with a psychiatrist also, they said that they thought i was going to get back with my husband and i was vulnerable and isolated.
Social Services then went to court and said that i had failed to protect the kids from witnessing domestic violence and i had failed to protect my kids from witnessing theire father's behaviour and as a result they had suffered emotional harm and they said that they thought i was going to fail to protect my kids in the future. There was no one else in the family able to have the girls due to my mum having depression and my sister had her own family with her partner having health problems, so Social Services said they would have to be adopted.
Social Services were granted a Placement Order in November 2011 and they girls moved in with the adopters in February 2012 and they will be adopted by them in the next few months, should be by august time. I was able to meet the adopted once and they seemed like nice people and i will be allowed letterbox contact twice a year, but the adopters will be able to stop that in the future if they wish.
I feel sad and angry all the time when i see other people i put on an act and pretend that i am ok and will move on and hope to see my girls in the future one day and everyone says how brave i have been but underneath i am hurting badly and i feel unable to focus on much during the day when i am alone at home all i can think of is the girls and not much else.
I would very much like to hear from anyone else who has been in a similar position and how they moved on from it. I live in South East London. The future looks like more tears and more crying and i just want my pain to go away but it feels like it never will.