Comments on my poem, Jack and Jill?

Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water

Things got pretty hot up there and soon they had a daughter

Jill was always telling him that she was on the pill

But she hadn't taken it the night before the hill

Jill's dad got really mad and went to buy a gun

But Jack and Jill had stole his car and the three are on the run

It's getting pretty hard for them no money for the gas

And now he's hearing rumors there's a bounty on his ***

Now Jack is young and full of it so he has no fear

But that could soon be changing with that cop upon his rear

So he yells to Jill to hold on tight as they go down this dip

Then he gave a turn around a curve and gave that cop the slip

Jill yells out that with that move now you don't seem so caring

And you'd better get me somewhere soon, cause she wet what she is wearing

Then Jack yells out that it's her fault, that it has turned to this

Cause she had always promised him that no pill she'd miss

Then Jill told Jack you know us women always want a baby

Jack you never told me no, remember you said maybe

Then Jill told Jack that it is time for both of them to leave

Cause as this child gets older Jack, she looks like your friend Steve

3 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Nice work and fun

    poor old jack the fool

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    Very good expansion on the theme. Needs tighter and more consistent rhythm but overall a good write. It may have been funnier if the friend has been named Jack instead of Steve as Steve is not a common nursery rhyme name.

  • 1 decade ago

    yes,ha,ha...thank you ,i am glad i checked here,i think this is awesome.

    others can keep that boring crap...

    my style..WILD.and FUNNY and it RHYMES

    darn it a TEN...perfect for me.

    thank you for making me smile..

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