Comments on my poem, Jack and Jill?
Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water
Things got pretty hot up there and soon they had a daughter
Jill was always telling him that she was on the pill
But she hadn't taken it the night before the hill
Jill's dad got really mad and went to buy a gun
But Jack and Jill had stole his car and the three are on the run
It's getting pretty hard for them no money for the gas
And now he's hearing rumors there's a bounty on his ***
Now Jack is young and full of it so he has no fear
But that could soon be changing with that cop upon his rear
So he yells to Jill to hold on tight as they go down this dip
Then he gave a turn around a curve and gave that cop the slip
Jill yells out that with that move now you don't seem so caring
And you'd better get me somewhere soon, cause she wet what she is wearing
Then Jack yells out that it's her fault, that it has turned to this
Cause she had always promised him that no pill she'd miss
Then Jill told Jack you know us women always want a baby
Jack you never told me no, remember you said maybe
Then Jill told Jack that it is time for both of them to leave
Cause as this child gets older Jack, she looks like your friend Steve
- BlindPoetLv 41 decade agoFavorite Answer
Nice work and fun
poor old jack the fool
- Anonymous4 years ago
Very good expansion on the theme. Needs tighter and more consistent rhythm but overall a good write. It may have been funnier if the friend has been named Jack instead of Steve as Steve is not a common nursery rhyme name.
- THE BANNIBAL ONELv 71 decade ago
yes,ha,ha...thank you ,i am glad i checked here,i think this is awesome.
others can keep that boring crap...
my style..WILD.and FUNNY and it RHYMES
darn it a TEN...perfect for me.
thank you for making me smile..