My Poem I saw her lying there, comments?
I saw her lying in despair
Her face is hidden by her hair
With teardrops flowing from her eyes
I feel her sorrow as she cries
Her pain is pounding deep inside
She wipes those tears she tries to hide
Her life is coming to an end
Her broken heart she can not mend
He told me that I was his life
And that soon I’d be his wife
What kind of man could be that way
To just leave me in disarray
I don’t know what I could have done
He told me now I was no fun
He said the years though have been great
But lately I’ve gained too much weight
So I told her that if she would stand
I would gladly take her by the hand
I’ll show you what this man can do
To help you through and be brand new
I’ll help you to move along
And day by day you will be strong
And in the end I found a way
Together twenty years, since that day
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Blah to boring, not worth readingSource(s): Use your time to do something better
- 1 decade ago
Very sweet and your feelings obvious. I have but one suggestion . . . unless I've gotten it wrong it appears as though the first two stanzas and last two stanzas are "you" and the middle two are the words of your love right? If so, then I think it would be a good idea to put the middle two stanzas in some sort of punctuation, like quotations so it's a bit clearer to those that might be confused. Real nice piece.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I like it. Only thing I'd change is that you change from seeing her to her talking, it didnt make since until the end. But maybe its suppose to be that way? Anyways I like it alot.Source(s): ME!!
- =]Lv 51 decade ago
i likeee it!!
its on a deeper level; and its interesting to readd.