Lv 6
? asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

Cannot decided how to handle her!!?

My 37 year old daughter, YES, 37, has been living with me for 6 months now. She had been doing drugs heavily since she was 13. She has been sober these 6 months. My problem is, she loves to pick on me. She pokes me with things, just now she pinched my ear really hard with a pair of wire dikes. She pulls hair, sticks her fingers in your ear, gives you wedgies etc. I have told her I don't like it. I've told her to stop. I've gotten really angry. I've talked to her in a calm manner. I pinched her darned ear!! She is supposed to be helping with the house work. She says she will then goes to sleep for 2 days. Then, gets angry when I tell her we have to get the house clean. Don't get me wrong, she does help but, in her own way and in her own time. I used to counsel people and you would think I could handle this. Well, I CAN"T!! I just want some opinions or options that you may be able to come up with. Maybe something creative. I sure don't know what to do anymore! Thanks!!

5 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hi Josa, you just answered my question about the problem my mother has, and the tenant's in my house. I just wanted to say thank you very Much. :) I'm going to look into those sessions you were talking about, and i added you as a contact, hope that's okay. Anyways enough about me, i think your daughter is really taking advantage of you and figure you'll keep on bending over backward for her emotionally, and physically, and quite frankly you should just, wait... for her to pull your hair, or poke you, and tell her calmly to sit down. Tell her "you know I've been really nice to you, and quite frankly you know I'm getting real pissed, that all you do is sit on your a** all day, i worked hard for this home and i ask you. For the simple favor of cleaning and you can't even do that. You know if you think that you can live for free in this house then get you sh** and get out."if you want to stay here a bit longer than you better straighten up because, if you piss me of one more time I'll be sure to call the cops to escort you out of her personally." You need to show her Tough Love, if she 37 and still doesn't have it together than what she need is a rude awakening.

    Source(s): Tough Love
  • mark r
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    IMO...your daughter is going through some massive withdrawl symptoms. If she has been doing drugs for 24 years, it is probably more psychological than physical.

    The two days of sleep at a time is a red flag. That is what addicts do.

    The both of you need counseling, her more than you, if you can get it. She is probably not sure how to handle herself now that she is chemically clean and has no crutch to hold on to subconsciously. If she refuses, immediately demand a blood test.

    You may want to treat her like a teenager, which is the way she is acting. Establish some rules and encourage her to mature to her physical state of being (subtly if you can). This is where your own creativity will have to come into play.

    Be patient, take your time and talk to her like she is a teenager, and help her mature in her new physicality.

    I hope this helps, email me if you feel the need.

    Hang in there, it is for the best.

    Good Luck

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm a little amazed as to why you allow her to hurt you like she does. I understand you might be trying to help her now that she is off drugs...but I think it's time you set down some rules with this 37yr woman.... She pulls her weight around the house , not in her own way but in the way you would like it done....she stops hurting you and to show a little respect for you ...her mother. If a stranger pinched/pulled hair / stuck fingers in your eyes / gave you wedgies....I'm sure you would not let it go...you would have them arrested ....so why do you feel you should allow your daughter to do this to you ? Remember if you make a door mat of yourself...people will wipe their feet on you. In the end you must let your yes..mean yes and your no mean ..no. It's time to give her an ultimatum....she behaves like an adult in your home or she leaves.

  • 1 decade ago

    Your daughter is an overgrown spoiled child. I am 34, I live on my own, pay my rent and bills on time, visit my parents and grandfather every other weekend and hold down a steady job as well as a second job to help pay back student loans. You need to kick your daughter out of the house and tell her she has to grow up. Give her an ultimatum: 3 months to find a place to live, find a job and learn to support herself or you will have to call some friends (or at worst, the cops) to physically remove her from your home.

    This is "tough love". Some children refuse to grow up and you harm them by allowing them to act like children. When you are gone one day, how will she take care of herself and function in the real world?

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    put her over your knee

    thats something you should of done 30 years ago

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.