People of P&S: How do you like my new poem called "Candles"? (Read/review please)?

Candles

Shiny Wax cylinder

Sleeked

With white viscosity

The little globules

Hardened in place

From its last

Fiery awakening

Still remain

At various lengths

It's flickering flame

Like a sliver

Of red hot air

Makes it all

Beautiful

And signifies

The passing of time

But even that

Cannot compare

To the giant

Bundle of sticks

Outdoors

Trees

Arch in many ways

And go off

In all directions

Stretching towards

The blue-white

Night sky

The human eye

Cannot keep up

With intricacies

Of nature

The tree knows

And uses that

To its advantage

Therefore

When nobody watches

The tree

Directs its branches

Towards that

Vast expanse

And

At the very tips

Of wood

Marked

With flower buds

Fire appears

The gray clouds

Become

Wispy smoke strands

Update:

Aww...Velvet I love you too. :)

Update 2:

Thanks dear Kat. :)

Update 3:

Really Big Dog? Thanks a lot. :)

12 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I like it. The one answerer compared you to Edgar allen Poe. I couldnt agree more. Excellent use of adjectives and descriptive words makes you feel as if you are there.Well done my dear.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Can't say I liked this one.

    Now if you split it and completed two separate poems, then they would be pretty good. You have no fluent transition between your two separate thoughts, Candles and Trees. You start off referring to the trees as simply a giant bundle of sticks and then go on in a wayward direction and don't really bring the thoughts together cohesively.

    Only the first two Stanzas refer to candles and the third stanza (which I think is your transition) needs work.

    The trees part just didn't make sense to me at all.

    Sorry, This is just my constructive criticism and not meant to be mean. If you write something that I really really like, I will tell you as I have in the past. This one just didn't do it for me.

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  • 4 years ago

    Priceless

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Its really beautiful and intriguing. It makes you think to stop and appreciate the beauty in such a "plain" everyday object.

    The human eye

    Cannot keep up

    With intricacies

    Of nature

    That bit is just beautiful.

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  • poppy1
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Hi Gina,

    I don't know how you do it,but you always come-up with some AWESOME and BEAUTIFUL Well written Poems..Thank You Dear for sharing..

    Your Friend,

    poppy1

    Source(s): Little1
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  • 1 decade ago

    Lovely!

    .

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  • 1 decade ago

    I thought this was a well written piece I hope you save them all because if this one is good I'm sure the others are outstanding as well, keep it up!

    V....V

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i appreciate the way you used the phrasing

    the

    stacking

    of you sentence to express your poetic license to create emphasis.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Long (in a good way lol), descriptive, fluent, and has balance. Great job. all you need is punctuation. :D

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    next edgar allan poe

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