edgar b asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Is my angry wife poem entertaining?

The other day I had a dream

It felt so real, it sure did seem

I had a very angry wife

And she came at me with a knife

I said what the heck is this about

She said your days are numbered have no doubt

Because every time that you get paid

You never tell me what you made

I said listen up, I'll make this clear

I give you lots so do not fear

But now her car is breaking down

And has no way to get to town

I said here's a deal about the car

So you can travel near and far

We'll take turns and we will share

So that you'll know I really care

And with that thought I sprang from sleep

Yelling just one promise you must keep

That any day your mother’s here

No matter what it’s my turn dear

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    I was slightly confused in several places while reading your poem.

    Instances of confusion:

    "But now her car is breaking down."

    The present tense, now, made me think your turned the poem in to reality, by accident, but of course that idea was sedated when you awoke from sleep.

    I don't understand this stanza/promise:

    "That any day your mother's here,

    no matter what it's my turn, dear."

    What? Who is dear? Why is your mother a part of this poem all of a sudden?

    Why was the car introduced into the dream?

    If the reader doesn't mind the mild confusion along the way, I think this poem is vaguely entertaining.

    I give this poem a

    Futile and Trivial 3.2

  • Taja B
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Well, I think some parts of this poem is entertaining and slightly touching at times. However, a part of this of this poem is very confusing, therefore making this poem a bit unclear.

    For example, I had some issues with these last two lines:

    That any day your mother’s here

    No matter what it’s my turn dear

    To me, this isn't needed. What does her mother have to do with the main subject of this poem? If she does, be more specific in order to give this poem more clarity. Plus, in the last line, you need to be more clear of what you're referring to.

    Besides that, it's a reasonably entertaining poem, but it needs some polishing.

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    Recommendations: 1. Change the first line, first stanza to read: "When my wife is in her shower," That brings balance. 2. Work on your punctuation and use of quoted dialogue. That appears to be your weakness. 3. Cause in the second stanza should appear as 'Cause. You intentionally omitted the -be in because. 4. Jon, as in toilet, is usually spelled as john. 5. Wierdo's, as written, indicates the possessive. Simply make the word plural, i.e., wierdos. Otherwise, cleverly written.

  • 1 decade ago

    Are you writing this poem because you feel that your wife is angry at you Edgar. I think that you should go talk to her. Don't let what she is upset about take over your marriage. From Rosaline :)

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  • Very cute poem

    Love the rhyme scheme!

  • 1 decade ago

    humorous, entertaining, i had to read it twice to get it all. you get a 3 out of ten from me because it isn't very well written, and feet and meter are off.

  • 1 decade ago

    I like it, it is very entertaing yet too familar. Look at my poem.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    QUITE. Sleep lightly and send those pay stubs home immediately:-)

  • 1 decade ago

    ahahahaha.

    i liked it. 8]

  • 1 decade ago

    wow, its like you wrote this about my life.

    very entertaining, well done.

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