In A Fog asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Looking for input. Can you critique my poem?

Love

falls from my eyes.

Rivulets of

pain

staining my cheeks.

I try

to close my

heart,

but the memories

remain.

The pain

begins to fall

like rain,

and I wash my

hands

in the last remaining

drops of

love.

Please be honest. Thanks.

14 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    love, a many splendor thing.....

    love, a bully

    love, a sweet candy

    love, bitter vinegre(sp?)

    love is something that makes you

    cry of happiness

    but it also makes you

    scream of desolation....

    my favorite part was the last 8 lines...h311! i like the entire thing! i cant stop reading it over and over again....

    ~Deadly Poetry

    Source(s): fellow poet(in training)
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  • 1 decade ago

    I thought it has a really strong image. Wow! Although, I'm not sure about the " I wash my hands in the last remaining drops of love." I can see what you are saying, maybe it's just me, but the meaning seems to contradict the lines above it - "I try

    to close my heart, but the memories remain."

    Good Job!!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    yeah is good,

    takes bottle to put yourself out there and I respect that,

    Could rework it, change the number of times you used the word pain, get a little white dove to rhyme with love,

    each person does things different and is not for anyone to say what is right or wrong, I could change it, and am tempted to redo it and show you my version, but think that would be wrong,

    nice to know a little more about you though ghost,

    will look for you more now, respect, Baz

    Source(s): a failed everything, and poet too,,,, lol (sometime do poems or creative writing and put up as questions, not so brave as you, hide in a different catagory)
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Honestly can i use that as a song?!?! That was cool, that be perfect for one of my bands hit...ok to be a critiqu i thought it was beautiful, it reminds me of when me and my ex broke up then how my new current almost 2 years bf came and swept me off my feet, now i "wash my hands in the last remaining drops of love"From him and to Blake

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well, you already know how I feel about your writing!

    I think you are extremely talented and this poem is beautiful!!

    (But it does not make a xmas tree - only I can do that - lol)

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  • 1 decade ago

    Excellent. You have a great way with words, you put your all out there. Exquisite.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    hi I am being honest, sweetie, very good. It

    expresses your heart beautifully! xo

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  • 1 decade ago

    It really is good....you have a way with words

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  • 1 decade ago

    you paint a picture with your words,

    soulful, deep and hurting

    I LOVED IT =D

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  • 1 decade ago

    I love it, it have felt that way before.

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