Can you help Please ?

One night(6yrs ago) I actually got down on my knee's and I pray'ed .I dont go to church,but that night, I cry'd and prayed with totel heart and soul. I was afraid of getting my heart broke,but even more I was tierd of being alone.So I ask'd God that I would meet the perfect man. 2yrs later I met my perfect one.But now Im afraid Im loosing his intrest.We haven't had sex for 2 month's now.He does'nt smile or pay complament's anymore.He just come's home from work,turn's on the tv,eat's dinner,more tv,and fall's asleep. If he get's mad he'll call me a stupid little c**t , and I REALLY hate that. What can I do to "Bring him back" I want to open his eye's again! Sexually and other! I can't blame it all on him because when I feel "unlove'd" I go off by myself and stay out of sight. I know I've gotten rather boring ,not too exsiteing to be with. HELP,what can I do? I don't want to lose him !

21 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Well in a way you have lost him, but that doesn't mean you can't get him back. But just as important I wonder if you've lost yourself.

    When he comes home from work, turns on the tv etc, where are you? Are you there waiting for him to come home? When he eats dinner who's the one who prepared it?

    You're right about one thing it's not all his fault, but it's not all yours either.

    The reason he just slumps in front of the tv when he gets home is partly because he's tired & needs to unwind but mostly because nothing else is required of him.

    I know exactly how you feel when you go off to your own little corner to be alone. I do it too.

    For one thing, I suggest that you may have built too much of your world around him. So I suggest you find some new interests. I got out the brochure from the Community College, & I'm looking into a couple of part time studies programs that they offer. You could do that too. Sure invite him along as well but if he turns you down just say "OK, but I'm going anyway" That may accomplish two things for you. It will get you some more productive time to yourself, & at the same time he may take you less for granted. Especially if he has to cook his own dinner once or twice a week.

  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds as though both of you are bored with each other. I suggest trying to spice things up. Suggest you two go out for dinner, and a movie, or do something you both will enjoy. If possible try to go on a vacation, somewhere where you can enjoy each others company. Show him how much you really love him and want to be with him. As far as the bedroom goes, try suprising him when he comes home from work, dress in a sexy nighty or don't wear anything at all. Meet him at the door and lead him to the bedroom or if the bedroom has gotten boring try other rooms find a different place. Trust me, suprising him like this will get his attention. The most important thing is do something different, change things up, try different things that you've never done before. If you just leave the room, when you're feelinng unloved that may make him feel unloved to, so when you are feeling unloved suggest you do something together, go over and sit next/with him. Try to get interested in what he is watching... most of all show that you care about him and love him, he should return the feelings.

    If nothing changes after trying to kick the relationship into another gear, sit him down and explain how you feel. Tell him you are feeling unloved. Tell him you don't like it when he calls you names. Try not to raise your voices are lay blame on each other. Stay calm and try to discuss what you can do to make the situation better.

    And of course, if nothing seems to help, and you are unhappy you may have to leave the relationship. Don't stay in a relationship you are not happy in, but do try your best to save it.

    Good luck.

  • ?
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    My dear fellow woman and daughter of God. Do you really think that God, let alone any decent, self respecting human being alive would tell you how to "bring him back"?

    WHY would you want someone back in your life that degrades you, doesn't pay attention to you, and uses you and your life like a drop off point? Unless this guy is mentally ill and needs medication, you have encountered someone who cannot change by others influence. Only HE can choose to change.

    Get a backbone NOW--TODAY--and move out. Move out with a friend or back with family. You are being abused. Knowing this, if you continue to "want" him back and don't mind signing yourself up for degrading words and treatment, then you need professional help to help stop looking for reasons to be a victim.

    I think the reason you don't want to lose him is because being treated this way is "normal" to you. You probably were treated with disrespect as a youth and this kind of treatment brings a sense of normalacy into your life in a unhealthy way. On the surface, you probably not only say, but believe that you don't want this treatment. However, something very strong inside of you is working overtime to keep you signing up for more.

    My advice is this: Work on fixing YOU and not him. If you change yourself, he will be forced to change. The change may not be in the way you are looking for though. However, you cant help but get healthier and more confident and independant. Don't be afraid to be responsible and independantly sufficient. Try it and you will be amazed at what a powerful woman you have inside of you.

  • 1 decade ago

    If he's calling you names like that, especially when he knows how much it bothers you, it sounds as if there are more issues than just "boredom" at hand.

    I was married for 6 years myself and I know that it's easy to fall into a "rut" but the name calling is never okay. Maybe try to figure out if there is something more going on and think about counsling to bring you closer together. A lack of sex is usually a pretty good idicator that there is more to the story.

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  • 1 decade ago

    All relationships have ups and downs.That said, you cant control how he acts, but you can control how you do.If you feel like telling him you love him, do it.If you want to spend time with him, do that too. You cant control how he will respond, so... if hes watching TV join him.Did you use to give him back rubs,back scratches, something like that? Offer him that. Just because he is distant doesn't mean he stopped loving you. Now about him calling you the C word,tell him that is not the way a man talks to a woman. DON'T put up with verbal abuse, because that is what it is. Wanting someone to love is not as important as someone who really loves you.There are worse things then being single. Remember , love yourself first,there is only one you, and lady your GREAT!

  • 1 decade ago

    One thing that is very important in a relationship is truth and honesty. When me and my man first got together we made a pact never to lie to one another and always let each other know how we feel about anything.

    You could also take it upon yourself to start the romance again. Cook him a nice candle lit dinner and take him to the bedroom and dress in something sexy and give him a massage. If he doesn't go for it then you might want to think about conseling!

    Good Luck!!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You need to ask yourself what do you want back? What kind of man is he? Make a list of his pro's and con's. Do you really want a man that calls you out of your name? The worst thing that every woman has done to herself when a relationship goes wrong is blame herself. Everything is not our fault. There does seem to be something going on with him. Ask him what is going on? Ask is there somethin you can do? Also ask the most important question does he want this relationship to continue?

    Don't be afraid to ask these important questions. Don't go through years of unhappiness.

  • 1 decade ago

    maybe u need to get counseling or some form of professional help because you are going to end up losing him if you don't do something fast....also you can sit down and talk things out with him and tell him how you feel about the relationship and where its going and how it will end up if there isnt any changes....i know u dont want to lose him but u cant do everything by yourself...if u know him very well...u will know what to do to "bring him back"

  • 1 decade ago

    Ding, Ding, Ding! God is using this relationship to draw you into a personal relationship with Him (God). It appears that you have been all caught up into this guy until you forgot about God. And we all know that God is a jealous God. He wants us to love Him more than anything/anyone. So in the midst of your lost communication with God. God is still trying to get you to come to Him. For HE(GOD) is the supplier of all your needs, not this dude. So you better do a reality check on who provides your comfort! It is GOD!

  • 1 decade ago

    Do more exciteing things like you need to get out of the house with him and walk, talk go to a park, maybe see what he likes and ask him if you and him can work on something. Maybe see about counceling.

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