Sick of my disabled brother (Please read before judging, kind of long but I need help)?

Question

I would appreciate it if you all read this before judging me, or calling me a 'selfish' or something like that.
I'm a female, 16 years old. My brother has just turned 15 and has downs syndrome.
For starters, he's extremely aggressive, I physically have to restrain him from beating the crap out of our mother whilst our father has been at work. This has made him turn on me a few times, giving me black eyes and such. He's currently seeing a psychologist.
Recently my mum and dad had another baby, a little girl. She's perfectly normal and healthy.
My brother even tries hurting her, she's only around 5 weeks old but he's done things such as attempted to throw her out of the window. (This is NOT a joke) He understands that she's a baby and that he shouldn't hurt her, because he's told us that he does, but he still does hurt her!
My father is the worst, he stick by my brothers side no matter what he does, his excuse is always "He doesn't understand.." or "He didn't do anything, leave him alone!" 9/10 times he has done something wrong.
My dad literally appears to hate me, if I even dare look at my brother in a funny way, or I say something 'mean' to him my dad starts an argument with me which usually ends in me crying or something.
On saturday my brother went on a break for two days with some people from a disability group.
This was fantastic, my mom, dad, the baby and I all went out and had a great time, just like a proper family. There was no arguments or anything, we just had a great time.
But when my brother came back tonight, the arguments all started up again and I'm sat alone in my bedroom yet again, he's taken attention away from me for 15 years and I'm starting to hate him for it!
What do I do?
I really feel like crap!
Thank you for taking the time to read (If you did)
and thanks for any answers in advance. :-)

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

why dont you say to your parents that:
you understand that he doesnt understand
but you dont like the way he treats you or your mum
while you care about him because he is your brother, that doesnt mean that you dont mind that you hardly see your parents
you understand that they are stressed because of his disability and because of your baby sister
you wish you could have more alone time with your parents
that you dont hate your brother, he is a brother after all! (i look at ny brother funny! and he doesnt have downs syndrome! - its a normal sibling thing!)

remember your dad must be stressed! when you next have alone time just ask him why he always starts an argument!

remind them that everything is stressful for you, too, and you dont like being a punchbag, but you dont want your mum to be one. this should shut them up, they probably dont realise that you are with them the whole way


i hope things get better soon x

just sit down and talk things through with them - alone

and talk to your brother as well! maybe take him out or something, become friends (or as much as you can be being siblings lol) say you dont like his behaviour

maybe try and deflect him, ask for his help making a cake rather than being mean to yu your mum and sister

Answer 2

First off, don't hate yourself, it's only human. Sometimes I think society has tried to hard to make everyone normal when they're not.

Answer 3

I can imagine its hard for you its no ones fort tho that hes ill i dunno what you can do all you can do is move out somwere else i dont think it will change so its up to you what to do stay there or move on

Answer 4

Hmm long story anyway hi my names Chloe i have a disabled brother like u n he has the same probables as urs But ... he dose give me black eyes but What i do Is ..... (hope this works for Ur brother) i calm him down And speak to him, and spend time with him and in my family iam the only one who can clam my brother down
should try that but if not then try to have a word with him with no body there and say look u know that not nice and just behavior and do a chat like if he is gd but a smiley face on his chat and if he reaches to 10 then he gets a treat(just and idea) Just spend time and speak to him and see what he wont for once and everything not saying that he don't get a say in anything but Just calm him down , and sorry if iam showing off her acting like a professorial



Goodluck

hope this helps

P.s read the story !!

Answer 5

This is an unfortunate situation for you and your family. I had this problem with both my daughters. Today they no longer live with us. They're in group homes and I cry everyday with my wife because of it but a Group Home may be the answer. I don't know.

Answer 6

Oh sh*t. Have you had any thoughts about a mental hospital? That may help. I don't know what country you live because you may have to pay. But in England it is free. Why don't you get yourself some handcuffs and when he attacks you, restrain him like that. He may stop.

You should talk to your dad about a mental hospital for him and tell him right from wrong even it may be hard for him. I am sure he wont be that stupid!

Hope this helps.

Answer 7

it is perfectly normal to feel like that if you ask ur mum and dad to sit down and tellus that but before tell them they have to promise not to say anything while you are talking to them and after not to shout at u ,u are just saying your opinion

i hope that helps good luck:)<3

Answer 8

You need to have a heart-to-heart with your parents.

It's perfectly normal to be angry at what's going on. It's perfectly normal to even hate him. Just because your brother is disabled doesn't mean you aren't allowed to have feelings. He's human, as are you.

They need to know how you feel. If he is extremely aggressive, they have a duty as parents to protect you and your baby sister from him. Black eyes and throwing a baby out the window are unacceptable no matter who is doing it. They also need to protect him. If he were to cause you or your sister harm, he could be in trouble with the law and sent to an institution for life. Depending on the severity of his disability, it's plausible he does understand. I've known many kids with Down's, and while they are cognitively slower, they are not incapable of understanding basic things like "Don't hurt others." They are not exempt from rules. In fact, children with Down's cope and manage much better if the have a familiar routine, and have clear rules and boundaries. They need extra discipline, not less. They also need extra praise when they do something right, not silence. They need parents, not pity.

Answer 9

You're not being selfish. Your feelings are totally understandable.

It might not seem this way, but I would bet that your parents already know how hard this situation is for you. The thing is, it is so difficult to make things better. There just isn't a solution right now. Your dad is right that your brother doesn't understand.

You probably already know that this situation is not anyone's fault. It just is. And your parents are probably doing the best they can. I don't think your parents hate you... It is just that it is easier for your parents to yell at you than try to deal with your brother!

That said, it sounds like your parents could be doing more to make your life at home better. It sounds like you all need more of a break from caring for your brother. Is there any way he could spend MORE time out of the house? You and your parents deserve time together that is calm.

If you have already asked your parents if they can organize more time away for your brother and they have said no, try talking to another relative or a teacher. Your parents are probably so used to this situation that they no longer realize how hard it is. So get an outsider to explain that they need to try and do more to give you time away from your brother. Your parents are more likely to listen to another adult than they are to you.

There probably isn't much your dad COULD do to improve your brother's behavior (because of your brother's condition), but someone needs to tell him to be more supportive of you. Good luck.