Good enough for sex but not good enough to marry?

Question

Theres a phrase that goes "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?". And I'm starting to think that this is the case with my boyfriend and I. We are both in our 30's, have never been married, no kids, and have been together for a year and a half. Both financially stable, and everything is perfect. I feel like we should be heading towards engagement, but there has been no mention of anything, despite each other claiming that we have found "the one". To be honest, I'm feeling quite insulted. We are at an age where we should be thinking about children in the next couple of years, and I would like to be married first. I do not intend to get pregnant soon, but we have talked about what would happen if I did, and his response was "I would marry you in a heartbeat". But the thing is, why am I not good enough to be proposed to WITHOUT a child entering the equation? It almost feels like he would only marry me if he "had to". (i.e. shotgun wedding. lol). Ladies, would you be insulted by this? Because I certainly am.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Although he doesn't seem to have given you any signs of wanting go get married, have YOU made your hopes and intentions clear? Traditionally the man proposes, but sadly traditional values are wasted on the younger generations. I feel that in this day and most couples actually sit down and discuss marriage before the actual proposal. I can see how you would be offended, but instead of being hurt by his comment about marrying you if you got pregnant, you should see that as a sign that he is willing to commit to you. The way he phrased his answer doesn't sound like a bad thing to me, considering he said 'in a heartbeat' versus 'I guess, because it's the right thing to do'. That right there could be a sign of his intentions. He might not yet realize that the two of you have reached that time and age in your life yet. Also, he may just want to date awhile longer before actually getting married. A year and a half can seem like an eternity, especially as you mature and get closer to having children, but in reality a longer courting may be better for your relationship.
My advice is to simply sit him down and talk it over with him. Just get on the same page together so you can continue into your future, together.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Such wise words! Thank you very much :-)

Answer 2

Only 3 reasons come to mind:

a) Doesn't value marriage as much as you do

b) Intends to keep you around until someone better comes along

c) Knows fully well how vicious divorce laws are towards men

Source(s):

27y old guy.

Answer 3

why haven't you asked him how he feels about marriage?

you can simply say it in a "what are your long term goals" "where do you see yourself and our relationship in 5-10 years".is kids and marriage something you want?, as in something you plan on? or is it just something you would do and accept if an accident happened?

there are a million mature ways you can broach this subject without seeming like you are demanding or hinting a proposal. and these are Questions you SHOULD be asking. not to get him to propose,......but to find out whether or not you are on the same page.

he either wants to wait a little longer than 18 months......which isn't exactly a huge amount of time. worry in another year and half that he is stringing you along.

I wouldn't be so Quick to say he was stringing you along when its only been 18 months, but it is possible.