I feel unloved and unwanted by my boyfriend, any advice?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and we had a baby five months ago. We used to be so close and we were inseperable. But now since ive had my daughter its like we've grown so far apart that i dont know if our relationship can ever be fixed. He used to kiss me and love on me all the time, and actually mean it, now he only does it when i complain about him not doing it. He also doesnt want anything to do with me physically either. I have talked to him about my feelings on how i dont feel like he loves me anymore and that we are growing apart and that things need to change if we want to stay together and he just says "sorry" and "i know" but nothing ever changes. We also have plans to get married in september, but im having second thoughts about it. If we are like this now, how are we gonna be in 5-10 years from now ya know? But also he did just get this new job, and i thought maybe that was stressing him out some too. But he always talks about how great it is. So idk what to do anymore. Can someone please give me some advice it would be greatly appreciated.

Additional Details

And when i say he physically doesnt want anything to do with me i mean sexually. I feel like ever since we had our daughter he isnt attracted to me anymore. (he did watch me give birth to her) so im thinking maybe he thought it was gross and no longer likes sex.??? i was skeptical about him watching through delivery but he reassured me that he wouldnt think it was gross.

by the way does anyone know how i respond to your answers?

It would be really hard for me to just kind of ignore him and give him space because he has a second shift job which means im home all day long with my daughter and nobody to talk to. so when he gets home i want to talk to someone. And i know i sit here all day and procrastinate and sometimes i vent to him when he gets here and hes probably sick of hereing it. but im also sick of not seeing any changes in our relationship. i feel like hes not trying at all. and when he does, things will change for a day or 2 and then he is back to being distant.

And i know hes not cheating because he brings home a 40 hour check and hes always home with me if hes not working.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Don't marry him. Tell him that if he doens't put any visible effort, that its over. Child or not, its not worth being married. He probably resents you for being an anchor. Just break it off. If he truly feels for you, he'll seek you out.

Answer 2

Yes this happens allot in many many relationships im not saying it's you im not saying it's him. But some times in a relationship this will happen. You may also be right about stress. But if it get to the point that maybe he curses and starts wising terrible things on you than that's when it needs counselling. But as long as it keeps happening per tend it doesn't bother you and don't try to make things work by trying to get very up close. Just try to keep things calm.

Answer 3

I'll feel this way too, I just talk to him. Usually he's busy working so we have to talk over the phone most of the time.

My boyfriend is very open though, your husband seems like he wasn't really taught to express himself. This might suck, but maybe y'all could use a little break. Nothing huge, just give him space within the house. See if he relaxes, and analyze your own feelings, do you feel relived?

Answer 4

seek therapy to talk things out-

Answer 5

Hi Amber, i'm Dan and 38 yrs old. Having a kid made me feel stressed and responsible for not only me but my child and his mother. I was worried about the future of how to cope with the bills, food and everything else. It was a massive change to my life where one day I can go out and get pi§§ed, next day, I had responsibly. Perhaps he is just feeling the same. And he will change back. Just takes time.

Answer 6

It's probably the kid . Think of being free and able to change your whole life direction in an instance and then all of a sudden having a kid, a job and a commitment to you. Your not a burden but, when guys think of things, even the commitments we enjoy having we use as a burden. I'm sure he loves you, but isn't as expressive as he used to be because he's tired and exhausted. As far as marriage goes, that's your call and I would recommend marrying him for the kid's sake and for your emotional sake. Sorry, prob wasn't much help. Here's my tiny problem, it would be great if you could help me out. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?…
Thxx so much! Good Luck!