How to split expenses when living with a significant other?

Question

My boyfriend is about to move in with me and my 2 children. I am not comfortable asking him to pay half of everything for a few reasons: first, I make more than him, second, he is not half the expenses (he didn't ask for this house, I had it when he came along, etc). Third, he travels a lot and is not even here that much to even run up utilities or food or anything.

I was thinking of asking him to pay approximately 1/3 of most everything plus a set amount for food, so it would come out to about $800 per month that he'd be paying. For now, that is all he can pay due to child support and having to pay for travel expenses for work. He is also very willing to pull his weight other ways around the house (that are in many ways much more valuable to me), like maintaining the yard, helping me with laundry, cleaning, etc.

Does this seem fair to both of us? Or am I missing something?

Oh yeah, we'd each still pay our own personal debt/expenses, etc (phones, cc, student loans, etc.)

Additional Details

ETA - the reason I said he didn't "ask" for the house is that it is huge and has a high mortgage. To ask him to pay half of it isn't reasonable on his income. I am financially able to support myself completely (with child support obviously), so that's not it. It's just that no one can stay here for a free ride, and he does not want that either. So I'm trying to make it fair to us.

When I was married (for 12 years), we split everything, it all went in one pot and got paid from there. But we had been together since I was 18, so essentially it had always been an "us". In this case, we're talking 2 adults with their own families.

And no, it's not a business deal, it's a relationship. But finances is always a big issue in relationships, so we are trying to be as up front as possible to be proactive.

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Answer 1

As long as you both agree on an arrangement, do it however it makes sense to the two of you. Your boyfriend obviously envisions a future with you AND your kids, so he probably won't care about helping take care of them financially, even though they're not legally his responsibility. Some couples put a set amount in for expenses, some couples put in a set percentage of income. Just talk it over with him BEFORE he actually moves in. If you're nervous about it, write it up in a quick document and get it notarized.

Answer 2

It's a great idea to start out keeping things separate. Even marriages fall apart, it's good to have some boundaries. Plus, you don't want either partner becoming complacent or reliant on the other.

That said, 1/3 seems reasonable. My sister, her fiance and I shared a 3 bedroom with her daughter and my son sharing a room. My son was there 1/2 time but his belongings still took space and they got the bigger room. We agreed on all things split equally in thirds so for the lesser bedroom and 1/2 of the kid's room (though some could argue it was one and a half of three bedrooms), I had 1/3 of the household responsibility. How they did theirs was their business, but until they were married, they split their expenses as well because they also felt premarital mixing of finances is a setup for failure for the reasons I mentioned. At least the first year of cohabitation.

Answer 3

Just make sure that he knows he is the bread winner of 'his' family. Therefore, any amount he is paying is his RESPONSIBILITY. What ever you are contributing is a CONTRIBUTION. Therefore, both won't feel emotionally unfair for whatever reasons. He must appreciate your contribution, and you must make sure the man fulfill his obligation to support the family by all means.

Answer 4

Wow! Is this a love arrangement or a business deal? Is he a room mate who travels and needs a place to crash when he is in town or are you two considering marriage?

Start by setting up an entire list of all YOUR household expenses and show it to him.
Having him move in sounds like an arrangement of convenience, but still it is good to be realistic.

1st, its good to know how he spends money. Does he have tons of credit card debt? Does he have other expenses other than child support?

What was he spending for rent on his bachelor's pad before moving in with you?

What is his income? Are you buying your house? If he helped you as a 'renter' would he expect any equity return if/when you two break up?

It would be a good business decision to consult a lawyer.

Source(s):

Marriage experience

Answer 5

Yes i think this is very fair, however he did not ask for the house, but he would have to pay rent no matter where he lived. Also just because you earn more does nt mean you should pay more towards your life together. Just be careful and do not put anything in his name e.g. house/bills etc... Also i know the question was not about this, but, consider your kids feeling s towards another man moving in with you all. Big adjustment for them, always make sure they re mane number one to you and always stand up for them. Good luck hope it all works out for all of you.

Source(s):

Life.

Answer 6

Why wouldn't you share finances?? That doesn't make much sense, given that you love and trust this person enough to live with him. Dividing things up like that is just ridiculous.

Answer 7

DONT share expenses. I did that before and it causes fights. My husband and I now do what you are talking about doing and it works perfect. I also have 2 kids that I pay for. They are not his responsibility that have a dad for that. We do have a house account to pay our mortgage and electricity etc. The rest of what we make pays our own bills and we can do with what we wish with the rest. Never a fight here! If we go to dinner we take turns paying. But h usually pays to take me out with or without my kids. People need to be more open minded about this and not just do what they were taught. Couples fight over money all of the time.. This ends that. Its not a business its smart.