My parents want me to leave her after two years?

Question

A bit about me:
I'm 17, been enrolled in college for about 2 years now and am going to a university out of state next semester. I have always been the type to take into consideration advice given from an adult and I am always reasonable when discussing issues. I say this because I don't want people on here blowing me off as a narrow minded and naive teenager. I have been in a number of relationships and I have gotten to understand girls quite a lot, especially being the only son in a family with three older sisters.

Before I met my current girlfriend, I spent a lot of time searching for the right girl as well as being careless and single. I enjoyed the single life but I always new it wasn't what truly made me happy. The memories were great, but the people who I shared the memories with were unreliable. I found myself stressed out dealing with friend issues very often. On top of that, messing around with girls who I barely knew only made me feel disgusting.

When I met my girlfriend, we gradually started talking more and more. After a month or two we started texting all day then eventually talked on the phone every night. I found myself enjoying my conversations with her more than I did going out and getting involved in potential friend situations. When school started, I was dating her and I had much less stress than I ever had. I was finally able to focus on school and got straight A's for the first time. So eventually I was spending more time talking to her and seeing her than I did seeing my friends. This girl is amazing in her heart, she's the type to tear up just thinking about stray cats. The things that made the relationship difficult, and is the reason why my parents want me to leave her, is her insecurities and, you wont believe it, her height..

She has gotten really hurt before and fell into a deep depression before she met me. She has always been sensitive with her emotions, even with anger, but honestly I don't mind. I know the sweet girl she is and I understand why she is the way she is. Since a child she was mistreated by family as well as bullies. She has contemplated suicide, and that is something I haven't told my parents, in fear of her being criticized. I have done my research on supporting a depressed person and I have made sure to keep myself stable as well. But it make me the happiest guy knowing that I'm here for this girl, and saving her from her depression. My parents see it otherwise. They see that their son is losing precious time and that she is controlling him. Apparently she wont "let me breathe" and "I'm scared of her." Because I make sure she is okay whenever she needs me... They don't believe anything I tell them, they think I only say these sweet things about her to defend her while she controls me. Another ridiculous reason that plays a big role is because I'm 6'1 and shes 5'1, I wont even comment on that argument..

Now almost two years later, I was blessed with a full ride scholarship but got forced to go to school out of state. The news hit her hard, it really broke my heart seeing her react. She was happy for me but at the same time devastated that another guy was leaving her again. I could not do that to her, she doesn't deserve that pain. Thankfully she agreed on the idea of possibly going to school in the same city but in a separate apartment while I stay in a dorm. Having her there would make me really happy, especially knowing that it makes her happy.

Now the issue, and I just want to thank whoever is still reading this. My parents found out about her wanting to come with me and they went over the top. Again they see this as her leaching on me and controlling my life. They told me that if I don't end things with her and go by myself, they are completely cutting off ties with me and will wish me luck. They want to force me to leave not just my girlfriend, but my closest friend, just because of their judgmental impressions of her. Keep in mind they have not once tried to get to know her. All of the negative judgement is completely from what they see from afar. Honestly I feel like this is getting to far to the point where I want to leave whoever in my family who doesn't support me and go enjoy my life with my girlfriend. But I am stuck, if I react that way they wont see it as, "We should probably listen to him if he's going this far to defend her" they'll see it as, "Look what she's done to him." Please help me out, is this the one time I should go against what my parents say? I really think they are being completely insensitive and selfish.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Well if they don't support your decision, they are horrible family. Family is supposed to be there to back you up no matter how badly you screw up... I'm basically in the same situation as you, and I went to my grandparents and told them what was happening. Look for more people who will support you...

Source(s):

Life

Answer 2

I think ur parents aren't stupid people, so I think many other issues come into play here for their decision, not just prejudice. But whatever the cause, feel free to go by ur wishes; ur parents WILL NEVER cut off ties with u. U think they want to take the chance of not seeing their only son for the rest of their lives? No. No. No. And plus, ur 17; ur still a minor so legally they have to still care for u, so go by ur wishes. Again, ur parents will NEVER cut ties with u.

Answer 3

Your parents can't tell you who you can be with. Yes when you are a minor they can stop you from seeing that person by saying they can't come over etc. But when you are of age you can do what you damn well please.

Answer 4

I can relate to you. My girlfriend and I are completely in love. We are currently attending high school. We live in two different cities and unfortunately we go to two different schools. We share many similarities. I love her personality and her looks and she feels the same way to me. I have been giving this girl security, comfort, and love. I can't see myself living without her. We would do anything for each other and that includes sacrificing one self for another.

My parents see that she does not care as much for me as I do for her. They only see her ONCE and they are already judging her as they known her whole life. They believe that she is the reason that I am
a different person. They think that whenever there is something wrong between us, I act aggressive towards my family which is not true. They wanted me to leave her and to find someone else. They say there are many fish in the sea. But I found my true love and I'm sticking with it.

Listen man, you are the only person that know your girlfriend well. They don't know anything about your girlfriend. She seems like she is making all the possible effort to be with you. I would say stick to this girl and prove your parents wrong. Show them the true side of your girl as you both live a happy life together. Your parents will eventually realize that she is the right girl for you. Remember nobody is perfect. Good luck;)

Answer 5

Hi,

I'm in a similar situation so I think I can relate to this dilemma.
A little background - My girlfriend is from a different religion and both our families are very orthodox. Although it may not matter much in other countries, in my country it makes a huge difference. Fanatic families even go so far as to commit "honor killings" where sometimes even the fathers kill their offending children for dishonoring the family name. I know there is no one like that in my family, but I can't be certain about hers!

We started dating when she was 18 and I was 19 - and 5 years have passed and we are still waiting for the opportune moment to tell our families who know about us but are pretending that this is just some phase and we will end our relationship when they tell, not ask us to. Just to escape from all this we decided that we would move to a different country so that when we reach that stage where we have settled and our families still do not accept us we have an escape route. So my girlfriend got posted in Australia while I'm doing my graduate studies in USA. We decided that whoever establishes themselves first, the other has to follow. It has been 2 years since we are living apart, and one year since we met up. But apart from a few hiccups and one really close call, we are still going strong.

So my suggestion to you would be to wait and avoid nasty family break-ups. I'm sure your girlfriend will understand, because you just can't give up on your family as well. It is your responsibility to make your family understand that while you are giving your girlfriend a good family, you are also giving the family a wonderful person. I'd go so far as to say that you owe it to your family - and to your girlfriend. Also, what if this act leads to resentment with your girlfriend?

When I say wait, what I mean is that you should make your girlfriend understand to back-off till you get to your university, and make your parents understand that you just cant cut all ties with her and it will take time, but that eventually you will. If you can do that, you have just bought yourself more time, and wondrous things can happen over a period of time. You do not want the tensions of stress or leaving your parents just when you are about to step into your individual life. In the future, if things don't work out with your girlfriend what will you do then?Once you leave home, its not like they will keep tabs on you 24/7. Isn't it better to date in secret rather than to break of all ties with your parents?At least till when you can bear it no more, after which time you can take whatever course of action you see fit - either try and get your parents to meet her just as a friend or not say anything till the time you can ignore it no longer.

Yes, it is a lie. But if it helps everyone involved why would it be wrong? It might not work, but the only thing that will happen that time is that your parents will cut ties with you at that time rather than now. At least you can tell say that you tried everything. You are not taking advantage of anyone in this way. In fact, you would be sacrificing your dignity and self-respect for your parents and your love. There is no shame in that.

I really hope your sisters are with you on this one. It could make it so much easier to convince your parents. If they are not, maybe you can try and get them on board. Since you are the youngest, you must be someone's pet!! :) They can help in so many ways. All the views expressed above are what I have done/will do personally to make my parents accept my love. I hope it all works out for you. All the best and thanks for reading the whole thing!

P.S - Some more similarities -
I'm 6.1 and my girlfriend is 5.2.
I have 3 siblings as well.
Me and my girlfriend would/do spend hours texting (now chatting).
I scored my highest in the 2 years after we started dating.
Her old boyfriend had made her life miserable so that he could get her to break up with him. This affected her so badly that she failed 5 of 6 courses and had to discontinue for a semester.