What do you guys think of these lyrics I wrote a few years ago?

Question

Please be honest with me. I can't read or write music, so I've NEVER been able to put music to 'em. If any of ya like these lyrics and wanna put music to 'em, record the song and whack it up on You Tube, then please, be my guest! I'd be flattered. If yer a girl and ya wanna record it, you'll need to adjust the lyrics very slightly here and there to suit a girl's point-of-view. The song's called 'Unrequited Love', and here are the lyrics:


Unrequited Love:


Verse # 1:

I wish I could make you love me as much as I love you,
But darling, you don’t want me, and that makes me feel blue.
Every night, I dream of tender kisses we could share.
Oh damn, my sweet, if only.... if only I could make you care.


Chorus:

Every night, I wish upon my wishing star above,
And I make the wish that someday, you’ll give me your precious love,
‘Cos I love you, and it hurts me more than you'll ever know,
But I'll take it like a man- my hurt will never show.


Verse # 2:

You’ve never loved me, and I guess ya never will.
I hope you never suffer this heartbreak that I feel-
All this pain and this heartache, all this misery and this hurt,
But I’ll always love you, darling, though you’ve treated me like dirt.


(Chorus)


Verse # 3:

You belong to another, and you must be true,
But darling, that’ll never, ever stop me lovin’ you.
He holds you in his warm caress, you’re lost in each other’s eyes,
And everytime I see ya kiss, it makes me wanna die.


(Chorus)


Verse # 4:

I've never envied a guy so much,
Oh, how I long for your tender touch.
But I’m resigned to my fate, just your friend is how I’ll stay,
But honey, come what may, I’ll love you ‘til my dyin’ day.


(Chorus)


(Fade out)



That's all, folks! Please tell me honestly, what ya think, 'cos I'd REALLY appreciate YOUR angles on this one, please guys! Much obliged in advance! Any of you guys who wanna offer to write music to go with these lyrics, keep the offers comin', and I shall choose one of ya at random to write the music for it and perform the finished song on You Tube. I think it'd be more suited to a girl than it would to a bloke- don't ask me why! If any girls wanna write music for it and perform it on You Tube, I can always adjust the lyrics very slightly, in order to make it more suitable for a girl to sing. I thank y'all! Peace and love! Be lucky! :)

Answer 1

If you add a nice little melody to it it would sound pretty damn good! :)

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Answer 2

I'd need to hear the tune. Most rock lyrics are pretty lousy when read as poetry, including the Beatles.

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Answer 3

Be careful, mate. People will steal it from you.

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Answer 4

Do you want the truth? It sounds like an adolecent teenager wrote the lyrics. Hardly the Beatles is it? In truth its awful.

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