Long term relationship with someone with bipolar disorder?

Question

I'm 26 and have bipolar disorder. For various reasons, I haven't dated much. I'm considering starting to date, but I won't do it if I don't think I can end up with someone for the long haul.

I used to believe that a bipolar could make a perfectly good spouse, but lately I've been reading pages where the spouses come together for support and tips for spouses. It scares me! They all love their spouses, but their lives are miserable! They're stressed out and don't seem to find any joy in their relationships.

I've become convinced that even someone who has a good relationship and life with a bipolar person would invariable, unquestionably be better off if they had fallen in love with someone healthy. There's no such thing as a soulmate, I think there are several people who would be the "perfect" match for everyone. Should I avoid dating so that all of my potential matches will find someone better?

I would appreciate answers from people who know something about the topic.

Additional Details

Don't answer to tell me that there's someone out there who will love me and not dump me because of it. I know that.

****What I'm asking is if there is any possibility that the person's mental health and quality of life would not be severely diminished by being with me.***

And yes, I'm medically and emotionally treated, not that it's working.

Wow. Nobody's reading this question before answering are they? Great.
First of all, I'm treated, I've said that.

And I am NOT asking if there's anyone out there who will put up with me?! Grrrrr! Not listening.

I'll say it again:

WILL A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME INVARIABLY LOWER SOMEONE'S QUALITY OF LIFE OR ARE THERE EXCEPTIONS?

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

note: I would like to start by saying that bipolar disorder is something that a person suffers from, it is not something that we are...I work hard to stress proper wording when you mention that you have this disorder, thank you...

I suffer from bipolar disorder. I speak openly about the fact that it seems to have become a popular disorder to have, when most people don't. I know that was off topic but I need to make that point. I have been with my wife for five years. Before my wife I had many many relationships that all seemed to end for reasons revolving around the way I am. My wife and I have a very good relationship, however, I agree with you when mention stress. It is hard for someone who does not suffer with this disorder to try and understand it. It seriously takes someone very special and very committed. As I am sure you know, living with bipolar disorder, that life can be hell. I would never encourage you not to date though. You will find someone who will support you no matter what. The best thing you can do is be open with the person. I am not saying to spring everything on them the first date, but don't hide it since sooner or later your actions will speak louder then your silence.
While it is true that many people who are married to someone with bipolar are not happy with there marriage, there are plenty who are. It take communication, understanding and hard work from both sides. Like I mentioned before, I have been with my wife for five years, married for four. There have been countless times when I thought she would be better off not having to deal with my struggles, but she reassures me that she loves me enough to work through anything we face, and we have. I can not stress communication enough.
To answer your question, no, you should not avoid dating. I don't think that a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder will effect someone enough to make them miserable or lower their expectations. This can be said abut any type of relationship. However is someone isn't willing to accept the challenges that will come up then they will never be happy with the relationship, but again, this goes for more then just bipolar disorder. Good luck to you and know that I can always be contacted through email and IM for further support!

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

I want to thank all of you for your kindness, but I'm afraid none really addressed my fears. I know I have the right to love, I know there is someone who could love me. But it's a simple fact that our spouses suffer greatly. I listen to them and I see misery. Their lives suck. I can't do that.

Answer 2

I was married to someone with bi-polar. We are now divorced. He refused to take medication. He obviously VERY MUCH SO needed it. I made him go bye-bye.

Of course this wasn't the only reason we divorced, but it certainly made the situation MUCH worse.

Answer 3

I am bipolar, and I have been in a serious relationship for 4 months now. It can be difficult and stressful, but overall it is worth it if you love the person.
Luckily I have a caring and understanding boyfriend who copes with my mood swings.
Sometimes it can be really hard, like somedays I feel like I don't even like my boyfriend and we should break up! But as long as you are able to keep it under basic control and your spouse is understanding of the disease, it can be dealt with.
You just need to find the right person.
Also, mood stabilizing medication really helps.
Good luck. <3

Source(s):

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about a year ago.

Answer 4

ok so my last ex was bipolar and we lasted long, and we still still like eachother!!!
So it can work out... just give it a shot!

Answer 5

Someone's a little touchy. The details weren't up when I started answering the question. I asked my boyfriend directly if he felt his quality of life was lower for dating someone with bipolar disorder and his response was an enthusiastic "Hell no." Take that as you will.

Answer 6

Your on the right track, knowing and understanding you have it. Take your meds. Be open talk about it. A man should love you for you, no matter what the condition. Just don't settle for the first one come along. Seek and you shall find. There are good men out there,you really need one to complete your life.

My cousin has it and it's bad at times. at 15 y/o and now 54 married 32 years. I have been at his side all my life, for some reason he get on a rampage hits deep end his wife or kids call me ask me to call him. For some reason my voice clams him down. I will stay on the phone maybe hours. But it works.
Find some you you trust. I think we all have soul mates in different ways.
If you can't change it forget it. Don't try be in control let it go, dwell on nothing, clear your mind. try be happy. If you know what triggers it stay away from it. Don't go there in mind or in person.
Be strong, find you good man be happy, deal with it best you can. Take your med don't miss a pill OK.
Try understand yourself first.Take care of you. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Answer 7

If you are being treated and have a commitment to continuing that, then your chances at a long term relationship are good.

People who get published are "the squeaky wheels".

I have known many people who suffer in different ways from bipolar, and problems arise when they go off their medication (They may not see it as a problem).

Good luck. Take care.

Answer 8

Don't be so 'down' on yourself!!
(I'm bi-polar too...)
EVERYONE has 'issues'...don't think of yourself so 'negatively'!!!!
YOU have as much right (??) to a loving relationship as anyone else in this world!!!
And YES, "...a bi-polar could make a perfectly good spouse..."! As "good" as anyone else!!!
You ARE MORE than JUST 'BI-POLAR!! There are a LOT of factors that influence how well a relationship will work out! Things relating to you AND the other person!
I've been in relationships with "healthy" (as you put it...) guys and they were AWFUL!!! -NOT because I am 'unhealthy', but because the guys were B@$t@rd$! >One was a 'Drunk', one was 'Abusive', one a 'Cheater'.....! -I, (Bi-polar ME!), was the 'SANE' one!!!
On the same note I've been in other relationships with 'healthy' people that were WONDERFUL!! -They simply didn't work out for OTHER reasons, IE; not enough 'in common', different 'goals' in life, different "religious" views...
I should also add that I've been in relationships with guys whom were also bi-polar! One of which was just terrible, the other was the best ever!
Don't 'sell yourself short'! I'm sure you have a LOT to offer a person! The fact that you have even thought about these things shows your concern for others > a VERY ADMIRABLE QUALITY, I might add!
'Love' is a scary thing!! IT (love) is bi-polar!!! It can be as equally wonderful as it can be miserable! EVERYONE can enjoy and suffer with it just as much as YOU!
Don't be your 'OWN WORST ENEMY'!
You'll never know what's 'out there' if you don't 'explore'! What's the worst that could happen??!? Seriously...! :)

And NO(!!!!), YOU being bi-polar, in and of itself ,WILL NOT "lower the quality" of someone ELSE'S life!!!
And the only "exception" I can think of would be someone finding the 'PERFECT' person and having a 'PERFECT' relationship! Like I said earlier, EVERYONE HAS ISSUES!!!
WHO IS 'mentally healthy' anyway??? And WHAT IS 'normal'........???

Answer 9

This e-book is free to download and I really think you should read it. It's called 97 steps to a happy relationship. Check it out!

Source(s):

http://relationship81c40.blogspot.com